SATIRE
Gordon Lightfoot
SOOTHING INFLUENCE
A fiery Chris Hipkins let his passion get the better of him in parliament last week, as he railed against the evil “Coalition of Chaos” for overturning Labour’s magical smokefree laws.
“The members opposite might be shaking their heads about the fact that I’m angry about this,” Hipkins declared.
“My question again to them is, ‘Why the hell aren’t you’? Why the hell are you not angry… because this is a bill that will kill people.”
While Hipkins believes the government’s bill “will kill people”, NZ First’s Winston Peters and Casey Costello are killing the Labour leader with kindness, offering him a tasty Dunhill Blue cigarette to relax.
“Go on, it’ll take the edge off and relieve some pressure. It’s been a long day,” said Mr Peters once the debate was over and they were safely outdoors.
Costello, who prefers not to smoke but doesn’t believe in prohibition, was a calming influence. “Give it a try if you like Chris, it’s up to you. All totally legal.
“It’s not for everyone but it could calm you down a bit. You seemed a little tense back there.”
A stunned Hipkins wouldn’t comment, possibly still reeling over being told off by the Assistant Speaker of the House, Maureen Pugh, for not appropriately addressing her, and then accusing her of interrupting him.
Winston Peters meanwhile, in classic style, refused to answer our questions about the Labour Leader’s behaviour in the house. “Do I think Mr Hipkins’ behaviour was appropriate? What kind of stupid question is that? Of course, I don’t.
“Were you even watching the debate? Your ears must be painted on!
“It’s always the same with you lot. This woke agenda of yours has gotten you into serious trouble now, and you’ve only got yourselves to blame.”
More to come.