SATIRE
Bob Jones
President of the New Zealand Flat Earth Society, Sir Hugh Rennie, is off to Europe shortly to represent the country at the World Flat Earth Society’s Annual Conference in Rome.
In his keynote address Hugh will produce irrefutable evidence that the globalist proposition is nothing more than a conspiracy, probably by the bloody Catholics who as we know, are big on such absurdities.
Hugh’s had built a 2 metre high globe of the world, showing all of the countries, as we’re familiar with. On it Hugh placed small human figures standing upright at the north pole. He will slowly slide them down the globe to New Zealand where they will be clearly standing upside down.
Scientists in on the conspiracy, try to argue that as earth is floating in space and the north and south labels are man-made titles, which is correct, Hugh’s claim doesn’t apply. But that’s wrong. Forget about the north and south labels, Hugh rightly argues. The cold hard fact is that if someone is standing upright on one side of a ball, someone standing on the opposite side of the ball would be upside down.
Hugh may not be honoured in his lifetime but future generations will doubtless hold his name in awe, along with Rutherford, as this country’s greatest two scientists.
A final note. Hugh always pulls big audiences as he finishes up his addresses by pulling out his guitar and delivering stormy renditions of Great Balls of Fire.
This time, I gather, showing his versatility, he is planning a guitar-less falsetto rendition of Tiptoe through the Tulips while wearing a Pixie outfit.
Ask yourself whether Rutherford had those multi-talents? He didn’t which probably places Hugh as our greatest scientific mind given his extraordinary creative versatility.
Accompanying Hugh will be prominent Lower Hutt lawyer David Butler.
As I reported on this blog last year David and Hugh both presided over Flat Earth societies and at times their rivalry got ugly. But being sensible they agreed on an amalgamation and tossed a coin as to who would serve the first 3 year term as President, this won by Hugh.
However, David will accompany him to the Rome conference and although not a speaker, will provide background music on his zither in which he’s accomplished, for Hugh’s pixie dance. David is currently considering appropriate attire and tells me he’s leaning towards a pink tutu, which I think would be appropriate.
The delegates are certainly in for a visual treat and with luck, following Hugh’s speech and dance performance, this will allow him to fulfil his life-time ambition and be elected as the World President at next year’s conference in Los Angeles.
As you read this today, I’m currently filling a mediator role in my office with Hugh, David and senior BNZ manager Phil Bennett. The purpose is to persuade Phil to amalgamate the Bank’s thriving Flat Earth Society of which he’s currently President, with the existing New Zealand body, unity is such endeavours being critical.
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