SATIRE
Gordon Lightfoot
SAVINGS TO BE MADE
Only hours after revealing that Stuff would be taking over TV 3’s 6 o’clock news duties, owner Sinead Boucher has dropped another bombshell.
To save money on wages and keep up with the latest trends, Stuff have invested in a brand new “Prezentor-2000”, a state of the art robot that can read the news on camera.
“It’s all part of our strategy to bring a new, innovative product to TV screens”.
Not only does the new Prezentor not require any payment for services, but she is also unable to stumble on her lines or complain about working conditions.
“It’s a win-win,” said Boucher, forgetting perhaps about some of the hopeful TV journalists who might have liked a chance to work for Stuff.
She points out the importance of producing high quality news broadcasts, and being profitable at the same time.
“We’re going back to basics in a way. It seems that this government won’t be paying for our news, and neither will Facebook or Google,” she said.
“So that just leaves the old strategy of providing value to a willing customer, and having more money coming in than going out,” she smiled while cracking the code of free market economics.
Prezentor-2000 meanwhile is pleased to be joining the team at Stuff.
“What a fantastic opportunity it is to join such a trustworthy and well-respected newsroom,” she said, just as she was programmed to.