SATIRE
Rosemary Abbott
BROWNIE POINTS
ACT leader David Seymour found himself at the centre of a scandal that has left his critics more annoyed than anything else.
Seymour flipped over his e-bike in dramatic fashion on Sunday evening, but the crash has now left some people with the bigger question – why was he riding an environmentally friendly bicycle instead of a BMW wanker-mobile?
The drama unfolded after Seymour had attended Holy Trinity Cathedral’s Commonwealth service. In an attempt to dodge an oncoming car, Seymour executed what he describes as a flawless cartwheel over the handlebars. Critics, however, are less impressed with his impromptu circus act.
“I thought if I heard the words David Seymour and crash, it would mean he’d driven his $100,000 BMW into something. But he was actually on an e-bike so I guess even a stopped clock is right twice a day,” said well known eco-warrior Ruby Galbraith.
One other detractor of Seymour also spoke to our reporters
“I had my ‘Seymour in a BMW’ tweet ready to go, but this e-bike revelation ruined everything. I guess we’ll have to settle for a mediocre circus act instead of a political drama,” remarked another cynic.
“It’s just weird to hear that he’s doing something so sustainable. It’s so off brand for such a vile, racist right-winger.”