One of the first rules of Woke Club is that you never say anything not approved by Woke Club. Even though everyone in Hollywood knows, as Bret Easton Ellis says, that movies like Black Panther are rubbish, nobody will say so. Instead, they’ll all chant robotically in chorus that it’s one of the greatest cinematic achievements, ever.
Because, representation.
“Representation” is the sole guiding compass of modern entertainment. It doesn’t matter how crap a show or movie is, if it has the requisite quota of black, female, gay and “trans” actors, then it will be hailed as a masterpiece.
The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power has “representation” coming out of its billion-dollar wazoo. It’s also unrelentingly awful. It’s a billion-dollar stinkeroo of bad acting, bad writing, bad direction and awful woke politics.
Not that critics have been willing to admit it. Because, representation. Anyone who says anything other than that Rings of Power is the greatest television achievement ever is ostracised as a “racist”, “incel” and “white supremacist”.
Except that the cracks are starting to appear. Even the most obsequious courtiers are starting to admit that the emperor is not only parading around buck-naked, he’s waving his willy in our faces.
Even The Guardian is admitting it.
If The Rings of Power has been seen anywhere, it was only in places paid for by Amazon. There are billboards and adverts and special Amazon packing tape adorned with the show’s logo. But, in terms of spontaneous, organic excitement, it has been a wilderness.
Why? Well, now that the first season is finally over, there is one clear answer. The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power isn’t very good.
It’s not only not very good, it’s not even bad. It’s awful.
There are moments in almost every episode where I have found myself sniggering into my sleeve at how inept it is. And all these misgivings were massively underlined by the finale […] in terms of both plot and presentation, The Rings of Power simply hasn’t cut the mustard.
And then there’s the acting…
The biggest issue, the one that caused the bulk of the sniggering, was the acting. This is a show with a sprawling cast blasted across a number of locations. And there is no consistency whatsoever. People don’t seem to have been told what sort of show they are acting in. It’s bizarre.
The Guardian critic tries, unconvincingly, to have us believe that Morfydd Clark as “Galadriel” (an Amazon character who shares a name, but nothing else in common with Tolkien’s character) is “thrilling”. No, she’s not: perhaps it’s the garbage material she’s been given to work with, but Clark’s character has a range that covers insufferable arrogance to petulant rage.
But then there’s the stage-Irish simpletons, the not-Hobbit “Harfoots”, and the cast of “elves” who look and act like a bunch of middle-management accountants at a Renaissance Fair.
It didn’t end there. Bear McCreary’s ever-present score was syrupy and phoned in, as if he fell asleep on the “Fantasy” preset on his keyboard. The whole thing was lit as if it was an episode of Hollyoaks. Given the sheer amount of money thrown at the show, some of the visual effects were incredibly inept. Tonally, too, the drama didn’t know if it was meant to be for beginner-, intermediate- or expert-level Tolkien fans. As such, it felt like it was made for nobody.
How could the world’s biggest company, with its much-boasted billion-dollar budget, produce such unmitigated garbage?
“Amazon isn’t a television company. It’s a mail order business that dabbles in TV to boost its cred”
The Rings of Power seems to be a perfect case in point, as if Amazon dumped a billion dollars into it for the headlines, then ignored a lot of the details. The frustrating thing is that there is clearly so much potential here. I just don’t know if I have it in me to watch any more to see if it is ever realised.
The Guardian
I barely made it through the first two episodes. As the car crash barreled on, I toyed with the idea of watching it, just to verify that they really did make something so ludicrously bad. But I couldn’t. It’s just unwatchable.
The only thing that remains to be seen is if Amazon can keep throwing enough money to blind enough people to what even Woke-central, The Guardian, is finally admitting.