Swarbrick Eying Major Movie Role?

Shameless self-promoter Chlöe Swarbrick, the youngest and greenist (like green with envy) MP, perhaps in the history of the World, is said to have been tapped for the leading role in a new movie, rumoured to be a prequel to the Mad Max series.

The movie, set in the early 2020’s, will feature a young female protagonist with political ambitions far exceeding her experience and skills. Undaunted by (or perhaps not even acknowledging) such limitations she has taken high office in a large city lying on the fringe of the known World with apparent sole aim of ‘building her brand’.

‘What can possibly go wrong?’ turns out to be almost everything when residents of the city are struck by a deadly virus leaked from a foreign biological weapons lab. At once, the government of the neighbouring island to the West sends 505 of their worst criminals to the city. Meantime; other key characters – a rat-faced Red Queen, and local Mayor forever wearing a conceited smile, wreak their own havoc on the city in successive legal, societal and financial blows.

Murder and mayhem become rampant, the final straw being the takeover of the water supply system by malfeasants under dubious claim of centuries-old treaty. Soon, all that the desperate citizens can coax from their taps is a trickle of brackish water. Mass rebellion begins with ‘quite a few’ elderly people donning lycra and bravely cycling over the harbour bridge (despite it having been closed to traffic by fresh winds) to protest.

Our protagonist abandons her citizens and joins a well-armed militia (under the frightening military handle ‘Shit-a-Brick’) to quell the rebellion and patrols the streets on the back of a unicorn. She has belts of ammunition draped over her fetchingly leather-clad torso, and carries a pump-action shotgun with chrome-plated barrel. She soon falls in love with the weapon naming it ‘Boomer’ and often brushes a kiss against its stock as it’s leveled against her hapless prey. The whispered words ‘ok boomer’ are the last her victims will ever hear as the trigger is being pulled.

Adding to her extensive taxpayer-funded media training, Swarbrick is said to have a remarkable level of ‘lived experience’ which she can bring to the role. Shooting location has not yet been finalised but is thought to be a toss-up between Auckland and Mexico City.