Three Drams Full
Diary of a Princess. Entry 1. Friday, February 18.
Dear Daddy,
I’m feeling cross, very cross. Even when I rumple my brow, lean forward to the camera, and nod my head while using my most convincing voice about the PANDEMIC that is sweeping the country right now, those nasty disgusting protestors down on the lawn continue to dance and sing and look healthy.
They’re not wearing masks, they’re not social distancing.
I didn’t intend the $572,000 children’s slide to be built for children like those. That’s not the sort of family-friendly, welcoming and accessible play space I intended. It was meant to be a symbol, a gesture to how earnestly we are fixing child poverty.
Silly Trevor when we celebrated the opening of the slide said Parliament belongs to all New Zealanders and I am delighted to see this play space come to fruition so that families and children can enjoy the grounds of Parliament and feel like they belong, and are welcome here.
Trevor is still silly. Fancy him turning the sprinklers on and playing Barry Manilow on repeat. Of course, I did think it funny when he suggested it to me (get those filthy, dirty citizens away from there). But I didn’t think they would endure, get sympathy from non-accredited reporters and social media that I haven’t been able to shut down.
Anyone would think it was a war and folk down there were the ANZACs. That’s not a bit of history that’s relevant anymore. We don’t have any veterans left from that war, that was so last Century. No one remembers that sort of stuff, it certainly doesn’t affect me as I am all about the New Order, equal outcomes for all. (Of course, some deserve more than others).
I really don’t have much time for that little minority who are out of step with our team of five million.
It’s so annoying I’m getting calls from International reporters, asking if it’s true they are still there and growing in numbers? I’ve many more important issues I should focus on like how I have my ticket booked for Harvard, oh and tickets and accommodation and food allowance and a teeny bit of spending money is in my purse for my favourite employees coming with me, including my make-up artist, my photographers, accredited reporters… and I have such a lovely new dress being designed.
I so deserve getting an honorary degree from Harvard. I am so honoured to be asked to be there. It is a very important event to be at, much more important than what is happening down on the grass there.
I’m missing love from the crowds, folk cramming close for selfies….maybe I’ll get them in Boston, yes, as they say, mandates will be lifted there any day now.
I really love preaching from the pulpit, it’s a gift I have; Klaus has told me so. In fact, I am the Specially Chosen One, the one who will take my team of five million down the hole, down away from Democracy to a New World order of social credit, poor health and reliance on the State. The State is my altar, not god. I am an atheist these days, remember Daddy?
Ah, Daddy, this is not going to plan, I need some advice as you are doing a great job in Tokelau, I hear. Taxes have already gone to the Public Interest Journalism Fund to keep New Zealanders informed and engaged and to support a healthy democracy. (I have already cancelled any questioners I don’t like).
Ashley, Chris and I are working so hard, everyone says we look so worried and tired, doing all those podium speeches, entreating everyone to be kind, be scared, stay safe, get boosted, do it for their whanau and hate those who are not following our orders.
Our Science advice is pure and sourced only from selected experts like Siouxsie and the Michaels, Baker and Plank.
I feel a headache coming on. Maybe it’s Omicron. I had better isolate for 24 days. No, wait, now we are in Phase 2, I only need isolate for 10 days and maybe another 10 days if a household contact has a case. But wait again, the other day it was isolate for 14 days if a case and isolate for 10 days if a close contact. Where’s my nearest hub? Am I at low or high clinical risk? Where is my alternative accommodation option? No take-out coffee? It’s all so confusing. Just as well I’m not a small business owner trying to survive because there isn’t any money left in the Emergency fund to help pay wages.
Oh, I do wish those protestors would go home, away from my pretty beehive, go back to their lowly lives.
Kisses from your dear sweet Princess,
Cindy