SATIRE
Gordon Lightfoot
NORMAL PEOPLE WANTED
The NZ Greens are doing a succession planning exercise this week, where they are attempting to get reasonable people to become members of their party.
“Calling all normal people who can control their emotions, but who still care about the environment. Join the NZ Greens!”, said a recent social media post.
The new strategy comes as high profile Green MP Julie Anne Genter was referred to the privileges committee for waving a report in Matt Doocey’s face and yelling at him in the debating chamber. Genter has also allegedly been verbally abusing florists.
Genter’s poor behaviour pales in comparison to the behaviour of former Greens MP Golriz Gahrahman, who has pleaded guilty to literally stealing from small businesses.
But this new strategy from the party leadership is looking to the future, rather than the present. Many have said it would not “be kind” to sack Genter, even though it would be the easiest and quickest way for newbie leader Chloe Swarbrick to show some strength.
While Swarbrick was unavailable for comment as she was “working from home”, an anonymous Greens strategist was happy to outline their long term plans.
“Well basically you can’t sack anyone in the Greens because it would not be kind. So now we want to make sure that all our new members are actually normal and able to manage themselves during emotional times,” said the source.
“Then ten years down the track, we’ll try and get the reliable normal people to be the MPs. The biggest challenge is that this might not be considered very kind for the people in the Greens who aren’t reliable or normal.
“It’s a balancing act,” said the strategist, sucking down the last of their homemade kombucha.
It is not known whether any normal people have applied to be a Green Party member yet.