SATIRE
Rosemary Abbott
GOOD DAY AT THE OFFICE
37-year-old Taryn Hansen, a public servant in Wellington’s bustling CBD, found herself breathing a sigh of relief today.
As news of former Green MP Golriz Ghahraman’s shoplifting scandal flooded the headlines, Hansen couldn’t help but chuckle nervously behind her desk.
Ghahraman had previously explained that online harassment and the stress of being a public figure had caused her to become a common thief and go on multiple crime sprees, stealing goods from everyday hard working New Zealanders.
But amidst the chaos of her own professional woes, which involve endless paperwork and pressure to meet deadlines, Hansen found solace in one small victory – she wasn’t facing four shoplifting charges like Ghahraman, who pleaded guilty to all her charges in the Auckland District Court today.
The former Green MP admitted to the four shoplifting charges over allegations she stole nearly $9000 worth of goods.
Hansen candidly spoke to our reporters.
“I mean, sure, my job might be slowly sucking the life out of me, but at least I’m not out there trying to smuggle luxury goods out of high end stores,” said the woman who would choose mind-numbing bureaucracy over a courtroom drama any day.
“It’s a bloody miracle, really. I’ve got enough stress in my life without having to worry about getting caught red-handed with stolen goods.”
“Sure, my job might be a never-ending source of stress, but at least I’m not facing jail time for some overpriced dresses. Always a good day when that happens!”
More to come.