SATIRE
Gordon Lightfoot
WE WANT CERTAINTY
Wellington-based policy advisor Jared Johnson saw red this morning, when he discovered that job cuts to his government employer, MBIE, had not been included in the government’s list of priorities for their first 100 days.
It is fair to say that Johnson is sick and tired of his job at the Ministry of Business Innovation and Employment. The man has been positively fizzing ever since he heard that he might be in line for a redundancy.
“Wish they’d hurry up and fire me,” he texted to our reporters during a two hour meeting that he did not contribute to.
“I dream of my work actually being useful for something or someone. I spent all of last week at MBIE getting managers to sign off on a paper that will definitely be rejected by the minister.”
Johnson however was somewhat worried that his skills were not suited for productive endeavours outside of the public sector. “I’ve only ever worked for the government and the money is great! What if I’m only capable of doing work that isn’t needed?
“I might have to start from the bottom of some other profession and work my way up. There’d be a pay cut, but I think it would be an exciting challenge.”
Mr Johnson, while remaining optimistic, is also prepared for the possibility that he will be required to continue in his role at MBIE.
“All you can do is prepare for the worst. No point worrying about it too much.
“For now all anyone wants is a bit of certainty.”
More to come.