SATIRE
Gordon Lightfoot | Politics
WHO KNEW?
Kiri Allan, who was once Stuff’s top pick to take Jacinda Ardern’s place as prime minister, returned to parliament this week. She was previously on leave, most likely because she wasn’t able to tolerate one or more of Wellington’s unbelievably useless public servants.
Allan has been accused of “shouting and screaming” at senior public sector staff, which she has characterised as having high expectations and robust conversations.
However, the real question here is how has Allan only just realised that blood-boiling incompetence is very, very common within the public sector. How has she not seen that the incentive structure of every public sector agency promotes and rewards those who are most willing to lie and stab others in the back?
“I actually knew that the public sector was bad. But I never thought it was going to be this bad,” said Allan, still blinking in amazement at how hopeless things are in Wellington.
“Some of the people you come across, you just think ‘how the hell have you got into this position?’. I’m not proud of losing the plot at these people, but bloody hell I’m only human”.
While people working in profitable businesses rise up the ranks through merit and an ability to create money for their company, the public sector has no such phenomenon. It’s basically who you know, and who you can step on to get ahead.
“What else am I supposed to do with these idiots? Normally when someone’s useless you can fire them! Can’t do that here!” she said as she began to scroll through jobs on her Seek app.
More to come.