SATIRE
John Black
The New Zealand police force is to introduce a new car design they hope will project a warmer, friendlier image. ‘Just like our rainbow cars have been a big hit with the LGBTQ+ community, we hope our new clown cars will endear us to the public at large’ said police commissioner Andrew Coster.
‘The role of the police force has changed. Once we only protected people and their property, but now our role is more diverse. We are social workers, activists and even entertainers…which these cars reflect. They also match perfectly with our new pursuit policy – we will give fleeing criminals two beeps of our horn – OOOOGA!..OOOOGA! – yell ‘coming, ready or not’ and then follow them at 5kms an hour until they either can’t drive due to being incapacitated by laughter or get away.’
When asked about the price of the new vehicles, Coster replied ‘ They were very reasonable…we got them as a job lot from Ringling brothers. They are also more efficient than our standard cars as we can fit more officers in them. Just how many, nobody knows…’