Gordon Lightfoot
whakatakitimes.nz
With the news that Trevor Mallard and Kris Faafoi are stepping down from parliament, Mallard has one thing left on his parliament bucket list before he buggers off to Europe.
While he was punishing the anti-mandate protesters with hideous loud music and sprinklers, deep down the Speaker of the House was a bit jealous that he couldn’t go and join in with the festival vibes down on the lawn.
“They were a bunch of filthy dirty ingrates but, gee, they looked like they were having a good time,” said Mr Mallard as he looked skyward, grinning and shaking his head nostalgically.
“Yeah, I reckon I’ll pitch a tent on the parliament lawn, have a few beers, just by myself and maybe bust out a few tunes on the UE boom.
“Be a bit of fun I reckon!” said the soon-to-be-former MP as he cracked open his fourth beer.
Whakataki psychology hobbyist Harry Samson was not surprised by the Speaker of the House’s desire to go camping on the parliamentary lawn, as it is in line with previously recorded childish behaviour.
“You did see him turn the sprinklers on those protesters right? And playing baby shark on the loud speakers? That was an adult doing all that!” said Samson, still in disbelief at the behaviour that had occurred months before.
“Weather’s been pretty nasty in Wellington recently. Hopefully, he gets lucky and gets a nice clear night for his camping trip.”
Apart from his antics at the protests, Mallard has also enjoyed wasting hundreds of thousands of taxpayer dollars on a defamation settlement to a parliamentary employee he falsely labelled a rapist.
The Whakataki Times was not able to find out if Mallard’s solo night on the piss in a tent would also include yelling “Rapist!” at passers-by.
More to come.