SATIRE
Gordon Lightfoot
ANY VOLUNTEERS?
With the tidal wave of changes to the public service in Wellington recently, the Coalition government is setting up a new ministry to keep up with demand.
The new Ministry of Voluntary Redundancies will provide regulation and governance to people choosing to be fired from their jobs that they didn’t like anyway.
It has not yet been revealed who will be the Minister in charge, but Act leader David Seymour says that voluntary redundancies, or “VR” as they are commonly called, are a win-win situation for both the taxpayer, and the average disgruntled public servant.
“If you hate your job and you’ve worked there for many years, VR is a great opportunity to have a fresh start with a tasty wee pay packet” he said, grinning at the prospect of a lean, mean public service.
“This new ministry’s aim is to encourage as many people as possible to volunteer to be sacked. There’s no judgement, no hidden agenda, just a mutual and beneficial termination of employment.”
Prime Minister Christopher Luxon says this will be a great chance to make savings where they matter.
“Look at the end of the day we just want to get the economy back on track, and we do that by cutting spending, and if people volunteer to quit their jobs in the public service then that achieves that objective,” he said while scrolling through a draft of yet another action plan.
NZ First leader Winston Peters would not make comment on the new ministry, but he did still take the opportunity to put the boot in to our reporters anyway.
“What kind of stupid, ridiculous question is that? Ministry of Voluntary Redundancies? Give me a break. Why don’t you pack of morons do your jobs properly and start reporting on the real issues in this country?” he said, before turning his phone up to full volume and playing Chumbawamba’s “Tub Thumping”.