SATIRE
Rosemary Abbott
ALWAYS BE PREPARED
In a remarkable show of forward-thinking, the higher-ups at Newstalk ZB are reportedly bracing themselves for a dangerously hungover Mike Hosking. The popular radio host, renowned for his opinions and undying love for the National Party, has likely started on a big night out, leaving his bosses to deal with the aftermath.
The predicted piss-up follows a landmark poll result for National in tonight’s 1News Verian Poll, which dealt a devastating blow to Labour, who have slumped four points to 29%.
Insiders spill the beans, revealing that the Newstalk ZB headquarters is transforming into a “hangover war room.” The room is stacked with jumbo-sized aspirin bottles, crates of blue Powerade, and a stash of fancy doughnuts. It seems the bosses are taking no chances when it comes to the inevitable consequences of Hosking’s night on the town.
“We’ve been through this before when there’s been a poll result that he’s liked,” one executive muttered, eyes bleary from countless brainstorming sessions. “When Hosking parties, it’s not just any hangover. It’s a national event.”
Whispers about Hosking’s wild plans are rampant. Reports suggest his evening might involve wine tastings, deep debates, and maybe even a ram raid of the closest Labour MP’s office. While these tidbits come from unnamed sources, the excitement is undeniable.
Will Hosking’s resilience shine through? Will his trademark voice remain unscathed by the night’s shenanigans? We’ll have to wait and see. Until then, rest assured that the Newstalk ZB headquarters is fully armed to tackle any hangover curveballs the host might toss their way.
More to come.