SATIRE
Gordon Lightfoot
Very mainstream news provider CNN reported yesterday that the virus that went around the world over the last couple of years likely did come from the Wuhan Institute of Virology, a very large building that contains many viruses.
The news came as a shock to most of the general public who have generally thought the most obvious origin of a virus would be some bloke eating a bat.
The Whakataki Times took to the streets of Wellington to see what the public thinks in the capital.
“A virus coming from a place called the Wuhan Institute of Virology? I dunno, sounds a little far-fetched. How do we even know there is an institute of virology in Wuhan?” said Michael, 25, as he collected his almond milk latte.
“Ohh nah I dunno about that one,” said Jacob, 20, a student of psychology and sociology at Victoria University. “Sounds like CNN’s gone down a conspiracy rabbit hole and they can’t get out of it. That’s really sad to see from such a reputable source.”
The general feeling on Lambton Quay today was that it was totally insane to think that a virus could have come from a building that is literally packed full of viruses.
“No no no,” laughed Sarah, 30, from Thorndon. “The lab-leak theory got debunked years ago. The authorities in China assured the WHO that there was no leak at the lab, and the virus most likely came from the wet market.
“I mean, the idea of a lab leak is just crazy, and if we can’t trust the word of an authoritarian regime, who can we trust?” she asked without blinking.
More to come.