Warning, WARNING. This article covers adult subjects. Those of a delicate nature should refrain from reading further.
Mrs Korau and I were discussing various topics the other day, and the subject of the size of men’s um, ah, you know, thingies came up. No, that’s not what I meant. Was raised. No, that’s not right either.
Anyway, you are adult enough to know what I’m not spelling out. Are upstanding Aussies or Kiwis more upstanding?
Of course, there are scientists who have made this their life work. Not everyone can get in on the global warming gravy train, some have to do the less glamorous stuff.
So I went searching. Google is great for this and, being an adult, I always search with the “Adult Filters” turned off. So hopefully I have received the unvarnished truth to this vexing question. I won’t tell you the exact search term I used as I don’t want to be accused of catering to your “prurient interests”.
According to WorldData.info there is some considerable difference in men’s average “accomplishments”. From a diminutive 10.04 cm (3.95 inches in old money) in Cambodia to a staggering 17.61 cm (converts to 6.93 inches) in Ecuador, there is indeed a great deal of “vive la difference” as they say between various countries.
And is there a difference between New Zealand and the penal colony to the west? According to the above referenced chart Kiwis come in at 13.99 cm (5.5 inches) while the criminal descendants (and world class whingers) boast 14.46 cm (5.69 inches). The difference could be put down as a margin of error, or more likely the Aussie desire to cheat. I just don’t know. There is little to boast about on either side of the Tasman, and I beat you both out, so there!
I see there are instructions on the chart page on how to measure, and no doubt the scientists involved had measuring instruments fully approved by the Bureau International des Poids et Mesures based in Saint-Cloud, Paris, France (as an aside, the French are proud of their reported 15.74 cm, so while they didn’t measure up in the World Cup final, they did come in ahead of Argentina at 14.88 cm).
What does this all mean? Not a lot. I gather from my extensive reading on the subject that there are large variations in any country, and in any case apparently self-measuring is rife with misreporting. Given the standard of New Zealand journalism, if our male journalists ever start self-reporting, no doubt we will be regaled with stories of bruises all over the tops of their feet.
As my old mum wisely counselled me many years ago, it’s not what you’ve got, but how you use it that counts.