The Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern Announced today that Aotearoa will become a republic. She will be relinquishing the role of Prime Minister immediately to become the country’s first President. It will involve a major re-hash of our system of government as she will hold executive powers.
The country will become ‘The Progressive Republic of Aotearoa’ or PR Aotearoa for short.
It will be a one-party state with a congress responsible for rubber stamping aspirations issued from the president’s office – The Pink House – which will be one of the major infrastructure projects to get the economy back on track.
In a major address from her newly combined One News/NewsHub studio, she said, “As you all know I have received acclaim from the expert journalists in the world’s press. They are all in agreement that women leaders everywhere have all handled the Covid emergency better than men.”
“So in keeping with this, my historic world first election win has given me the mandate to institute another world first – a republic founded on girl-power principles.”
“As I repeatedly said during the election, I have a plan and this is it.”
“Not only will I, a woman, be head of state with feminine, dictatorial powers, but all, ministers, public service heads and middle managers; judiciary, senior council staff and state enterprises CEOs will be women – they all will be in the twenty to fifty age group – woke sisters together networking towards a glorious future. Older women will be repurposed as nannies.”
“Men have their uses, they will do the dirty work of providing the money required to run the expanded state; build infrastructure and all the low-level donkey work.”
“The age of man has finished – now is the age of women”
“To facilitate this new republic I will cast off the shackles of colonialism, white privilege, mansplaining, the historical patriarchal domination of logic and language – building a better Aotearoa by creating our own unique cultural identity.”
“Firstly, English will be replaced with Ardernese, a simplified form of dare I say it English – ‘T’ will be banished and replaced with ‘D”.
“Dat will become a proiridy,” she said.
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