The Prime Minister in a speech to the party faithful laid out her intentions for the government after the election. Rather than try to put in place my aspirations, she said they would stick to their tried and true modus operandi and return the government to the laughing stock it was pre-covid.
“The world needs cheering up”, she said, “You only have to look at Phil Twyford to burst out laughing – he is the ideal person to head my world-first, innovative, government-run institution. My plan to have the biggest clown school in the world will be a Nobel prize winner.
“Thankfully it will be a lifesaving career option for the hundreds of thousands unemployed that my lockdowns have set in motion.
“While Phil will nominally be in change, Megan Woods will be behind the scenes, pulling levers and ensuring a plentiful supply of custard pies – success is ensured.
“Double Judy (double duty) will be expected of all cabinet ministers and I myself will generously pitch in with a series of personal lessons on backflips, toilet training, political contortions and speaking gobbledegook – it will be a career path to the ultimate goal of becoming a Labour politician – or even a journalist”.
She also said, “I have major change for my Maori members of Parliament. They all will be replaced with Pou Whenua (a post marker of ownership). As my Maori members don’t actually do anything and are purely symbolic it is time to acknowledge this and give them the mana and status they deserve.
“Kelvin, my Labour deputy has shown the way, being as expressive and solid as a totara log – he will be given the highest ranking of all the Pou Whenua.
“This will enable us to embed the Maori seats as Labour seats under law, doing away with tiresome elections.”
She also made a major policy announcement regarding the obesity epidemic which has hit Aotearoa, saying she would fix it in six months by the liberal application of real poverty and food shortages.
Apparently, this would also show that claims Labour will institute a wealth tax are false – it doesn’t take a genius to understand if wealth has been got rid of it can’t be taxed.