On March 4th this year, a buddy of mine returned from the UK to live in New Zealand. He had employment set up in Queenstown working in the aviation industry with tourists and locals alike. When he arrived, he had a bit of a cold and hadn’t been able to shake a cough for four weeks prior to coming over.

He is currently living with us and no longer has any symptoms, but most people in my household, including our 6 month old grandie, have had a bit of a cold at various times in the last month. The last flight I took was March 10th from Auckland to Queenstown.

Two weeks or so ago, I started getting shortness of breath. I describe it as very similar to asthma, something I used to suffer from when I was much younger. I also had been getting what I would describe as a kind of stinging, sore throat, back of the nose type of pain. I contacted my doctor and received very good service via a phone consultation. We decided that there probably wasn’t really a case for me to be tested and I didn’t really fit the then criteria. We agreed to catch up in a week for a follow-up.

So a few days ago we caught up again. With my symptoms not really getting any better my Doc suggested that with the change in criteria, I would now be eligible for a COVID-19 test and although she didn’t really see a need for that, she said if I felt that I would like to have one conducted, then she would support that. I said I would think about it and mulled it over for a couple of days, getting advice from the family, friends and the good folk here on The BFD. The general consensus was that even though I was isolating properly and not having contact with outsiders, it might be peace of mind for the family if I was to know once and for all. So following my Doc’s referral, I was phoned by someone from the local community testing facility who after checking my symptoms were within the criteria, booked me in for the morning.

My first outing, ready for anything, even a swab to the brain.

Come 9.30am I was sitting outside our local War Memorial Hall waiting to gain entrance. Two staff, nurses or doctors I don’t know, but wearing full medical gear like you might expect in an operating theatre, came out to meet me. There was a yellow X made of tape on the footpath and I was asked to stand on that, while they stood behind another tape line and asked me again all the questions that I had given the day before on the phone.

They also supplied me with hand sanitiser that I was required to rub both on my hands and my upper arm as it was where they would require a blood pressure check. After presenting me with a mask, I was given very clear instructions that I must do as they ask, and must keep my hands clasped together to help me to avoid touching anything.

Inside we go and I’m instructed to stand behind a coned off barrier on another yellow X. The two initial handlers gave me more hand sanitiser then backed off to their new X’s and I spoke with another two staff who were sitting a couple of metres away with the paperwork. Again I answered all the same questions and confirmed details before being advised to sit nearby on another X.

It seems that there was a new system using iPads that they were coming to grips with. Another nurse popped in, asked me to cruise back over to the previous X where she asked me most of the questions again. She then took me across floors that had tarps taped to them, out into the memorial hall proper where about six temporary cubicles had been installed. Here I was introduced to the doctor who would do the test for me.

Again I had to sanitise, confirm my details and go over my symptoms before being advised what was to happen. A blood pressure and temperature check followed. I was expecting a slightly different swab, having gone through a similar test in the past for suspected whooping cough, so was pleased that the swab was only about 10 cm long. The only problem was that there were to be three swabs done this time.

This will be inserted up your nose, very deeply!

The first swab is from the back of your throat, then one in each nostril. Each swab is held in place for fifteen seconds which in the throat makes you gag a bit. The nasal swabs are not particularly nice. They sure make your eyes water and are not comfortable in the slightest.

But soon enough that was over and I received a tissue to wipe my teary eyes!

I was able to have a bit of a chat with the doctor. He advised me that it might be a good idea for my UK friend to be tested, and suggested that even though he wasn’t symptomatic any longer, he would fit the new criteria, particularly given his travel history and that he is classed as an essential worker, coming into contact with travellers.

I also asked him about my family and was advised that they probably wouldn’t bother testing them, even if they were symptomatic. This surprised me a bit but he suggested that if I were to come back as positive for Covid-19, if the family were showing symptoms, they would just be classed as ‘probable’. He confirmed that this would be what the probable listings in the daily totals are: close contacts of confirmed cases, not people waiting to be confirmed, possibly not even tested.

I suggested that I didn’t think I would have the disease but he advised that they had been surprised that plenty of the positive tests were coming from people who they didn’t expect to have it.

Interestingly both the doctor and the nurse both thought that Jacinda was doing a good job. I didn’t get into that discussion! Then following another hand sanitising, I was instructed to keep my mask on until I got to my car and I was on my way.

My overall impression was that this was all set up pretty well. Having had a recent operation I wasn’t surprised by the constant re-checking of details as that had happened then too, I guess this is just what they do now so mistakes aren’t made.

The staff were all very professional and there were a lot of them about, so big thanks should go out to these people putting themselves in what could be a reasonably dangerous position dealing with muppets like me (who couldn’t control a cough when the throat swab came out!).

So I am told that the results should be expected in two days and I would probably get a call on Saturday to let me know if I was infected with the WuPox.

Fingers crossed for a negative result, but in reality I’m not sure we would be doing anything any different. Maybe I’ll just put a red X on my door and hibernate a bit longer.

In any case, if you feel a bit unwell, don’t be afraid to ask your doctor for a referral. The test is a bit yukky, but not too bad in the big scheme of things.

The best part of the whole experience? Nobody told me to ‘be kind’.

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ExPFC, ex lots of things. I'm a passionate user of fossil fuels, a proud flag flying Kiwi, I have trouble suffering fools and the permanently offended. Sometimes I may play the devil's advocate, sometimes...