I had just come in from staking my tomato plants, covered in dirt having had to pull out yet more of that blasted convolvulus weed, when I went to The BFD’s secret hangout on the internet (you need an encrypted password that is 217 characters long and the blood of a virgin to get into it), when some of my BFD consorts notified me of a Twitter thread that is all about me. Really. I can’t believe it. I’m famous. Words fail me. Really.
Is she talking about me? Noooo… she can’t be. She is famous. I am no one. I am anonymous, hidden, too vile to speak about because… yes, you guessed it…
I AM A RIGHT WINGER!!!
Yet I am also a coward. For being no one. Somehow.
I have been called a few things in my life. Bitch. Dinosaur. Out of touch. Stupid. Yet most people who sit down and have a conversation with me find me to be not that far away from them. Yes, I have a lot of left-wing friends but most of them are not ‘woke’. They just want the world to be a better place, and want to help those at the bottom of the heap who are struggling in our world today.
Well, actually, so do I.
But it is the responses to her strange and vague tweet that are most interesting.
How about this?
Why should she say sorry? She doesn’t need to apologise. She wrote an article expressing her opinion, and so did I. This is a world where, at least for the moment, we still have free speech. We are both entitled to our opinions. Nothing to apologise for, Alison.
But then there is this.
Well, here’s the thing. In the BFD community of 200,000 or so of us, I do know a few of you, particularly the Wellington Sumpers, but I also went to Whangaparaoa in 2018 and met a number of awesome people, also members of our community. So I guess a few of you know that I am not a stale, pale male. As I am writing this article on my HP laptop, bought only three months ago, (after my last one started to make some funny noises), I guess I can forego the pencil bit as well.
Someone needs to explain to me why someone writing under a pseudonym is looking for a pedestal. Am I too short? Well, actually yes. But how do they know that?
I don’t know Alison Mau. I am not a secret tosser or a friend for that matter. The name is not a red herring.
I am very happy in my life as a pale stale older female with a mixed-race husband (a man, just so you know).
I have an Asian daughter-in-law, a South American sister-in-law and a lot of non-white friends.
I have a number of gay friends, who are all lovely, but I admit, I can’t fill the transgender quota. I don’t know any of them at the moment.
I really care about the future of this country, and I want to see all New Zealanders thrive.
I hate sexual harassment every bit as much as you do, Alison, but I call it out whoever does it. That goes for a number of other things as well.
For example, I am absolutely disgusted that the husband of National MP Barbara Kruger is in court this week on charges of animal cruelty on his own farm. That is a complete disgrace, and I hope she is held to account for this.
Just as I hoped you would hold Labour to account for the two sex scandals that they brushed under the carpet… but you didn’t.
All I really want is for the media in this country to report things factually, not just spin things which fit with their political agenda.
Incidentally, Ali, I wrote an article today about how Jacinda has failed so many children in this country who live in poverty. The numbers of kids in families that are struggling is going up and up, exponentially.
I know you care about this stuff, Ali, but you never criticise the government that is causing it. You just don’t mention the fact that there were fewer kids living in poverty under the previous government than there are now because this is the government that is ‘bringing kindness back’.
Pass me a Tui. But, seeing that I am not a pale stale male, I don’t actually drink beer.
Still, it is good to know that really important people read The BFD. I had no idea.
Yes, National and ACT are the mean, nasty, ugly people who just look after their rich mates… those rich mates who run businesses that employ workers, pay wages and get the economy rolling. Because people on benefits cannot get ahead, no matter how much you would like it to be true.
The difference between you and me, Alison, is that you are paid what is probably a small fortune to say what you do. Mine comes from the heart, and that is it.
And that means that no one tells me what to write. It is refreshing. Maybe you should try it.
Come and meet me, Ali. Contact my friends at a website that ‘must not be named’. We could chat, and I promise, I will do you no harm. I will even buy you a coffee, or a wine.
Anton Christie Oward. Pale Stale feMale.
Ka Kite Ano.
If you enjoyed this BFD article please consider sharing it with your friends.