Information
Satire
*With apologies to the creators of Casino Royale*
Hello.
Mr. White?
We need to talk.
Who is this?
The name’s Slackjaw. John Slackjaw. Race-baiter with Knot News in New Zealand.
Who?
I’m calling to insult you.
Why?
Because you’re White, and male, don’t deny it.
‘What’s that got to do with anything?
You don’t belong.
But you’re white and male too, aren’t you?
But – I’m special. Very special.
In what way?
I see things, special things. I see racism everywhere, white supremacy, that is. I see it on Faceclub, teeming with whiteness and superiorityness. I see it in the young fellow selected for National Fascist Inc in Palmerston North. I see a red hat, I see ‘OK’, I see racism. I do not see young fellows pulling each other’s leg.
The ‘OK’ sign. Are you serious?
Racist. Utterly racist. Disgustingly racist. Violently, appallingly racist. No other meaning. White Power, white white-power power.
You have proof?
Yes:
That’s your Prime Minister greeting Captain Kirk, isn’t it?
Oh…snork; wrong pic. [Hits forward] Here!
So; that’s Obama making a white-racist sign, right?
Argh! Double-snork…let me get…
I’ve been reading your column, you quote a well-known humanitarian:
” Only racists make collective judgements. No one race is superior over other races and all religious faiths are equal.”
Yes, that’s me. Aren’t I clever? Do I sound clever?
No. Because earlier in your column you said people may be proud of what their white race has achieved even though you think that had the tasks been theirs alone, they would have struggled to invent so much as a pooper scooper.
Yes, that’s me. Aren’t I clever?
No. You are a deeply disturbed racist. But, credit where it’s due, your perception that ‘had the task been theirs alone’ they wouldn’t have invented anything as metaphorically demeaning as a pooper scooper, yet you, on your own, just with your own writings, or, more precisely: your puerile wittering’s have successfully produced so much useful toilet tissue, that’s what your ‘column’ is best for.
Yes, that’s me. Aren’t I clever? I’m clapping like a performing seal now. Thank you; Mr White. Mr White?
Beep…beep…beeeep.