OPINION

In 1984, Orwell wrote that “children nowadays were horrible”. He was referring, of course, to authoritarian regimes’ obsession with recruiting children as early as possible. The Hitler Youth, for instance, or the Young Pioneers. The Soviets had their cult of Pavlik Morozov, the “brave, young hero” who denounced his kulak family.

Now, we have the twin cults of the Rainbow and Gaia.

And they’re both after your children, as young as possible.

Generations of Australian schoolchildren have been thoroughly inculcated in the Cult of Gaia, from being forced to robotically sing along to John Williamson’s risible doggerel, Rip, Rip, Woodchip to being recruited as the Green Guards of Gaia’s Own Pavlik, Greta Thunberg.

Not even beloved classic children’s literature is safe from their inquisitorial zeal.

Oh, bother. Winnie-the-Pooh has come home to find his splendid treehouse felled, along with all the other trees in Hundred Acre Wood. Piglet’s House is gone, too; Six Pine Trees has become six stumps.

The culprit responsible for taking the axe to Pooh’s enchanted forest: Australian toilet paper company Who Gives A Crap, re-editing the beloved children’s book to make a point about deforestation.

You know what? Fuck you, you miserable git. No-one, but no-one does this to Pooh. Seriously, this makes me legitimately angry.

Who Gives a Crap co-founder Danny Alexander says he was “inspired” to make Winnie-The-Pooh: The Deforested Edition after reflecting on his own imaginary childhood adventures in the Hundred Acre wood.

“I had a stuffed bear as a child, and I remember hugging it while my parents read me the book, feeling like I was a part of the story,” Mr Alexander said.

Did your parents use the stories to make you depressed, miserable, and anxious? No, they didn’t, you arsehole. What the hell is wrong with you?

However, not everyone is pleased with this appropriation.

National chair of the Children’s Book Council of Australia (CBCA) Wendy Rapee says it misuses the authorship of A.A Milne.

“Children‘s fiction carries the values of any society,” Ms Rapee said.

“That‘s the beauty and responsibility that we have in terms of children’s literature in that it does reflect a cultural value. Therefore, you have to be really careful about how you speak to children.”

To these green boxes of hammers, though, everything is just another nail to spike their children’s growing minds with.

Kids are not in some bubble, they definitely are feeling the anxiety (of climate change), how could they not,” Ms Rapee asked.

The Australian

Only because miserable bastards like you lot won’t shut up about it.

As people who grew up under its suffocating yoke attest today, it’s hard to comprehend just how incessant communist propaganda was. It was on the television, the radio, in the cinema, plastered on the walls: it never relented. Adults who were children in the later years of the Soviet Union write today, It’s normal to love your childhood and preserve fond memories of your younger years, remembering them as contented, cloudless and carefree. But it was a sad and miserable existence.

What kind of creep inflicts such a sad and miserable upbringing on their children, not through the coercion of the state, but in voluntary slavery to an insidious, totalitarian ideology? Who perverts magical stories which have entranced generations of children, and twists them into lying, gloomy, dull-witted propaganda?

The intellectually destitute miserablists of upper-class Climate Cultism, that’s who.

Punk rock philosopher. Liberalist contrarian. Grumpy old bastard. I grew up in a generational-Labor-voting family. I kept the faith long after the political left had abandoned it. In the last decade...