SATIRE
Gordon Lightfoot
OH THANK YOU MY LORD
In a stunning display of political innovation, Chris Luxon and Nicola Willis have just unveiled National’s groundbreaking plan to reduce the amount of money that will be forcibly taken from you and everyone else in the country.
In a very honest press conference that left economists scratching their heads, Luxon proudly declared, “National is making a firm promise to commit less theft than the current government is engaging in.
“A noticeably smaller amount of money will be taken from hardworking kiwis under the threat of jail”.
Critics have been quick to point out potential downsides of this audacious plan. Some worry that without the government’s knack for wise investment and wealth redistribution, the people may end up spending their extra money on frivolous things like food and rent.
“We’ve got to be careful,” one economist cautioned, “or we might accidentally create a society where people can afford to live comfortably.”
Local peasant, Nathan Richardson however was nothing but grateful for his superiors’ promise of generosity. “M’lord is a generous lord, thank you, thank you, whatever m’lord thinks is fair, all Nathan wants is enough to fill his tum, not much m’lord, just enough”.
Not all kiwis are so complimentary however, particularly government employed Wellingtonians. Some worry that the reduction in tax will mean the government will only have enough money for things that are necessary!
“How am I going to stay employed if all the available money is only going to important things like crime prevention?” wailed an anonymous MBIE-based comms advisor.
These folks will take comfort in the knowledge that the government can still rob each and every one of us blind by simply flooding the economy with fake money, sucking the value out of the dollar, and making us poorer through more inflation.