Nigel X. Fink, 13, is desperate to escape his dysfunctional family. He emails “weird” billionaires for cash, promoting himself as an up and coming entrepreneur and “fanatical capitalist” while his family plummets into poverty in “Aotearoa.”
WARNING!!!!!
Cigarette smoking, vaping, drinking alcohol and being a spineless, grovelling comrade citizen can be injurious to your health. Neither of the main characters in this book promote or endorse the aforementioned.
NOTE: Spelling and punctuation can be problematic for Nigel X. Fink, a product of the modern education sistem.
Non-judgmentalism would be appreciated.
MAIN CHARACTERS
Nigel X. Fink
His dad Dunk Fink
SECONDARY CHARACTERS
His mum Ms Fink
His gran
His grandad
Tane his bestest friend
Craig his London mate
Mercedes Fink his sister
Sharon his on/well off girlfriend
Class Swab social engineer remodelling the world
George Zeros billionaire social engineer remodelling the world
Bill Gates billionaire social engineer remodelling the world
Elon Musk his billionaire mate
BIT PLAYERS
Joe Biden puppet president of the USA
Donald Trump despised former President of the USA
Aunty Helen backroom string puller/ventriloquist, minor social engineer remodelling the world
John Sykes mall ram raider, apprentice GANGSTA
Prime Minister of Aotearoa, celeb SPIN QUEEN apprentice GLOBAL social engineer (uncredited)
Dedication
To the sheep of the world
Chapter Five
Craig
Sharon has summoned me to a meeting at the EL PASO! Wish me luck bro. GUNFIGHT AT OK CORAL!!!
Craig
We had the meeting. All the Young As turned up.
THEY HATE ME!!!
They were talking about me as tho I was not there.
They got on about my breath and being short and one of them said Mercedes told her I had a peanut brain.
IT WAS INSULTING!!!!
Sharon gave a talk saying outwardly I might seem a male chauvenist twit but I am of value to them and that since they were going to be taking direct action I could play a part.
They took a vote!!!
I am still in!!!
Mum
Dad’s van broke down. The happy handyman is VERY UNHAPPY!!! We do not have to wear masks again at school!!!!
Tane
I am worried about my body image and how I might not be a magnet for Sharon’s affections.
I sense her red hot lusting for my body is COOLING!!!!!
When I took off my shirt for PE today John Sykes called me TOOTHPICK?!!
Next thing the others were calling me TOOTHPICK!
IT HAS SWEPT THROUGH THE SCHOOL!
Tane
I went to the gym for the first time.
The instructor took some measurements and tested my strength and reflexes. He said they were way below average and under-whelming.
He says I come under the category puny scrawny weakling!!!!
I went home and told Grandad who was once a tent boxer in the Australian outback last century.
He was called the Kiwi Wombat.
He travelled around sideshows knocking out guys in three one minute rounds.
He says he once had a jock strap signed by a guy named Charlie Atlas sent to him from America but he LOST IT!!!
Atlas was the strongest and MOST HANDSOME MAN IN AMERICA and had once been a scrawny weakling like me who had sand kicked in his face by an oaf.
But then he became muscle bound and beat up the oaf!!
That’s what I’m going to do to JOHN SYKES!!
Grandad is going to dig up Charlie’s book to help me.
Craig
The Young As met at the El Paso!!!!!!
They started the meeting with a reading from Thora Thunderberg.
When I called her Thora one of them said It’s GRETA Thunberg!!! Wanker!!!
GRETA Thornberg says instead of looking for hope we need to create it and that ALL FOSSIL FUEL DEVELOPMENT MUST END NOW!!
I told them what dad said that countries were having power blackouts and could not grow enough food because the politicans said they had to go to green energy and not use fertilisers or fossil fuels to meet their climate change goals and if the countries don’t do it they don’t get money from banks. The others said it was all lies and fake news and part of a CONSPIRACY that probably came from that horrible man with the concrete hair-sprayed fake hair and spray on tan DONALD TRUMP who built a wall to keep out millions of good decent illegal immigrants and drug dealers DENYING THEM THEIR RIGHTS to go on welfare and BUILD NEW LIVES ON THE BACKS OF THE AMERICAN TAXPAYERS!!!
As well as this TRUMP COLLUDED with Russia over the 2016 election tho not enough evidence could be found and Trump said it was a bunch of lies while a New York Times reporter who wrote about it said he was wrong and that it was all a hoax but they said this reporter was just an agent of misinformation and probably a Trump toady all along and didn’t Trump DEMAND and ORDER hundreds of rednecks and weirdos in horns and bearskins to attack the capitol in Washington DC forcing security to shoot and kill one of them who was a woman and unarmed?
The Young As think its great Trump got dumped off twitter because shutting him up and censoring him protects FREEDOM OF SPEECH whatever that is
One of them said poor people in African countries and places like Ghana and Sri Lanka were thrilled to meet their green goals and get a fantastic high ESG rating whatever that is even if they did not have much to eat.
I said what is the point of a high ESG rating if you are starving and youve got blackouts and cannot heat your home or cook your food or have lights on.
Then I says what dad told me – look at Europe with countries running out of gas and oil because Russia cut their supply cos of Europe countries putting sanctions on them over Russia attacking Ukraine and these countries are starting to BEG FOR ENERGY AND BURN COAL AGAIN!!!
Wooooeee!
They said it was a dogmatic sexist full of HATE bigot!!!! and wanted to boot it out of the Young As again but Sharon said to hold a special meeting to discuss its future in the Young As.
IT took the bus home.
The other four were driven home in Sharon’s dad’s monster gas guzzling SUV!!!!!
HIPPOCRITS!!!!
Craig
I got your txt.
You gotta stop worrying about trying to make sense of anything.
You will STRESS yourself out BRO!!
Dad says it is all about WEIRDOS AND MARXISTS making use of a pandemic to change things in a reset to build the world they want UNDER ONE WORLD GOVERNMENT!!
WEIRD EH!!
HAW HAW!
DON’T THINK!!!!
JUST CHILL BRO!!
GO WITH THE FLOW!
OBEY!!!
COMPLY!
STAY QUIET!!
If you want to then KEEP GETTING YOUR VAX TILL U DIE JABS like all the other sheep!!!
BUT TUNE OUT AND TUNE IN TO SOME MORE SPORT ON TV!!
Dad says a dude called Carl Marx once said religion is the opium of the masses.
Now he says that because religion is just for senile old people in gaga land and weak people who need a crutch the new opium is watching sport on TV.
Or PORN!!!!
HAW! HAW!
I can’t afford vaping no more and I am now building my muscles to match my brain.
I did 23 pushups.
Grandad did not find the Charlie Atlas book but he did find the JOCK STRAP!!!!
It was tatty and very small and Charlie’s signature had faded!!!
Gran said drinking apple vinegar would improve my breath.
I drank some and it burnt my mouth. You dilute it gran said.
I am a physical wreck.
Craig
I am now up to 32 pushups.
The All Blacks LOST THE SERIES TO IRELAND!!!!!
We listened to it on the radio.
After the Irish shot out to a big lead dad could not take any more and said how could you believe it that a country more interested in garlic sports and football could beat the All Blacks.
He switched the radio off and played musac from a ancient dude named Elvis Presslee and other weird dark dudes Bob Dilan croaking out some song called Missi Sippee, Hank someone or other with A Country Boy Will Survive and Jonni Dash with RUG OF FIRE!!!
CREEPY!!
He says the country has gone to the dogs and we can’t even win rugby any more.