Let’s face it. The lockdown levels were awesome and the traffic light system looks set to be even awesomer. But I’ve come up with something that’s even better: five gold stars.

Remember when you were at primary school how you got gold stars, ranging from one to five depending on how good you were? This is the same thing except for each region.

Image credit The BFD.

Each star represents how many freedoms that should have never been taken away in the first place freedoms a region earns thanks to following what Jacinda says.

So one star means the region is being very naughty and not listening to Jacinda at all, like not wearing masks, going out with friends, visiting them and using their toilet, not enforcing vaccine mandates, going on protests etc. These regions get Jacinda’s scowly face.

One star means the region is being very naughty and not listening to Jacinda at all.

Two stars mean the region has started listening but is still not doing what Jacinda says, like not wearing a mask everywhere such as driving in a car or going for a walk by yourself. These regions get Jacinda’s cross face.

For those regions that have earned three and four stars, you get Jacinda’s “Could do better” face and “Still room for improvement” face respectively.

Five stars mean the region is following everything Jacinda says including telling on those who are still naughty and disobey Jacinda. In these regions people wear masks everywhere without being told, scan in everywhere and write down their name and address and also all vote for Jacinda as their lord and saviour. These regions get Jacinda’s happy face.

Five stars mean the region is following everything Jacinda says

By the way, you Aucklanders only ever get one star because you’re so disobedient and everyone hates you, especially Jacinda. Especially Jacinda.

Tip. Cartoon credit BoomSlang. The BFD.

Oh, I think I should get five stars just for coming up with this idea, don’t you?

Five Gold Stars
Kevin

Kevin

Libertarian and pragmatic anarchist. Has voted National and ACT. May have voted Labour once but too long ago to remember. Favourite saying: “There but for the grace of God go I.”