Another High Tea Interview with Her Royal Highness, Jacinda Ardern the Prime Minister of Aotearoa.
After her special one-on-one interviews with both TV One and TV 3 the Prime Minister graciously sat down for a good natter with our recently transitioned assistant cub reporter (her, she, them, they).
T.W.E. Assistant Cub Reporter:
Thank you Prime Minister for making the time and granting me the special privilege of interviewing you.
Jacinda Ardern:
It is not a privilege I give to everybody. I am glad to have the time to set the record straight, busy as I am, with designing Covid passports, traffic lights, border controls and importantly ensuring I have enough freezer space for the huge amount of fish Clarke is catching for our wedding feast.
Hundreds of refrigerated containers are being set up around the country at this very moment.
Actually, most of my time is taken up with playing tag with Neve and the rest of my Cabinet.
T.W.E. Assistant Cub Reporter:
What is all this talk about you stepping down?
Jacinda Ardern
Well, my work is done here. In Aotearoa that is.
I have fulfilled my promise to fundamentally change New Zealand. Here we are in newly minted Aotearoa with a new written history set to flow into schools and a completely new way of doing things.
Democracy is so last week.
Capitalism is dead, with every aspect of people’s lives being happily and dutifully run from Wellington – the added bonus being the general population has the final implementation of He Puapua to look forward to.
As modesty stops me from standing on my stellar record of saving hundreds of thousands of people from certain death by Covid, I think it is best I leave on a high note, before ka huri ki te pata (it’s turned to custard) as Nanaia Mahuta is often saying.
My replacement, Grant Robertson, will make a great Prime Minister. Fortuitously we changed the rules to stop the unions from installing Michael Wood.
Grant can magic billions out of thin air so I am sure he will be very popular.
Grant will not only be the world’s first Gay Prime Minister but the first one married to an ordinary guy – a bus driver.
The country’s new First Man.
As we expect that most cars will be gone within the next two years, bus drivers everywhere will celebrate this world-leading achievement. It will raise their status worldwide. Play your cards right and you can end up as First Man.
T.W.E. Assistant Cub Reporter:
You are getting some pushback from the media. Is this why you are stepping down?
Jacinda Ardern:
Push back? That is not something I am aware of. I think Grant mentioned communists have been impersonating reporters.
They look like news crews with cameras, microphones and stuff. They have names like Jessica and Tova – they have been starting to ask some very yucky and impertinent questions – best ignored.
T.W.E Assistant Cub Reporter:
I thought they were far-right activists?
Jacinda Ardern:
I was unaware that the far-right had activists – isn’t activisting the prerogative of the far left?
I have been told certain trouble makers have misinterpreted my quick whiz round low vaccinated regions as me spreading Covid by having a whiz in their wastewater to give shirkers a hurry up to get vaccinated. It was a whiz around – not a whiz. I may be a verified, complete idiot but I am not a moron.
Anyway, my media empire can sort them out.
Actually, I’m double jabbed and triple boostered so I’m not a super spreader – can I have some of these yummy cakes in a doggy bag for Clarke?
At this stage, the interview came to an abrupt halt because as Jacinda leaned forward her left eyebrow fell off and teaspoons, knives and cake forks started springing off the table and sticking to her body.
She was quickly shuffled off by her minders while shouting, “don’t forget my doggy bag”.
At the time of publishing The Woke Examiner was still waiting for the return of its cutlery.
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