Expert modelling by expert Chick.N.Little predicts that the mortality rate for all of us is 100%.
‘I’ve run the numbers and I’m afraid to say it’s true. Being an expert, I ran them again but the conclusion is inescapable: the chance of death for every single one of us is 100%.’
Expert Little felt compelled to share his findings with the public. ‘You’re all going to die!’ he screamed at a specially held press conference. ‘Everyone. Parking wardens, lingerie models, my brother-in-law…even experts!’ he added, sobbing uncontrollably before running home to hide under his bed.
Informed of his expert modelling, other experts urged the government to listen to their expert advice and do something.
‘We have heard the experts loud and clear,’ said the minister for government hubris.
‘This death thing, it’s a killer. We will be introducing legislation to counter it soon.’ When pressed for details the minister was tight lipped, only hinting that it had something to do with muesli.
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