Given the kindergarten-level thinking of their prime minister, it’s perhaps not surprising that New Zealand’s first response to its latest terror attack is to treat its citizens like children.

New Zealand supermarket group Countdown said on Saturday it has removed knives and scissors from its shelves, a day after a man the authorities called an Islamist extremist stabbed six people in one of the company’s stores.

“Last night, we made the decision to temporarily remove all knives and scissors from our shelves while we consider whether we should continue to sell them,” said Kiri Hannifin, Countdown’s general manager for safety.

Have fun, eating with a kiddies’ spoon and fork set, Kiwis. While you’re at it, you might want to consider reviving the Roman practice of trimming your hair with a candle flame. Sure, it’ll pong, and you’ll all run the risk of ending up like Michael Jackson filming a Pepsi commercial, but at least you’ll feel safe.

“We want all of our team to feel safe when they come to work, especially considering the events of yesterday,” she said in a media statement.

Other supermarket chains had also removed sharp knives from sale, local media reported.

Just you wait until the terrorists come at you with a whisk and an egg-flip.

But I shouldn’t mock: just like their proclivities with sheep, this isn’t a weirdness solely peculiar to New Zealanders.

When London was swamped by a wave of stabbings, London’s Muslim mayor Sadiq Khan promptly banned knives and the Met dutifully set up knife confiscation bins. Oddly enough, knife crime continued to rise. It’s almost like criminals don’t obey the law or something.

Notably, two-thirds of London’s knife criminals are “non-white minority” types.

Maybe knives aren’t the main problem. Maybe the primary issue is how New Zealand law protected that Islamic extremist:

The man, whose identity cannot be revealed due to court suppression orders, arrived in New Zealand in October 2011. He became a person of national security interest in 2016 […]

Prosecutors had accused him of plotting a “lone wolf” terror attack using knives.

But, as The BFD readers will be all-too-aware, it was ruled that that wasn’t against the law and the Islamic extremist was allowed to remain in New Zealand. Instead, at great expense to New Zealand taxpayers, police were forced to trail around after the wannabe jihadi, like veiled wives keeping a respectful distance behind their husband.

Might want to fix that, Jacinda. Meanwhile:

Dozens of Afghans evacuated in the final days of U.S. military presence in Afghanistan have been flagged over potential ties to the Taliban or other terror groups.

Hide the knives.

Daily Telegraph

Following a tip-off about a planned terror attack using a broken bottle, New Zealand authorities are set to replace glassware with plastic Sippy Cups. All brands of glue will be replaced with non-toxic Clag paste.

Oh, and watch those 80s Velcro sneakers make a comeback: laces can be used as an improvised garrotte, after all.

You can’t be too safe.

Especially not when you do everything to ensure that people whose stated aim is to kill you are allowed to remain amongst you at any cost.

The future of fine dining in NZ. Just watch those pointy things on the forks, though. The BFD. Photoshop by Lushington Brady.

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Not the Good Scissors!
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Lushington D. Brady

Punk rock philosopher. Liberalist contrarian. Grumpy old bastard. I grew up in a generational-Labor-voting family. I kept the faith long after the political left had abandoned it. In last decade or...