There was a time when Cracked.com was pretty good reading. Sure, it was mostly Buzzfeed-style list-based articles (a formula they’ve stuck with), but some of them were pretty damn interesting. For instance, the article relating what it’s like to experience an accidental drug-psychosis is a fascinating glimpse of madness from the inside. Another list of Vietnam facts from a former VC is an historical document such as you rarely read in official histories.

But it all went pear-shaped about five years ago. Cracked got blue-pilled. Pretty much every article became 5 Reasons Conservatives are Evil and America is Racist/Sexist/Homophobic. It was like watching a sketch comedy show written by Antifa and BLM activists (oh, wait: that’s Saturday Night Live).

So I was as surprised as anyone to see Cracked, of all sites, calling out environmental bullshit. Naturally, they can’t bring themselves to admit just how much the climate change scam is, well, a scam. But, at least they’re pointing at the most obvious porkies.

Here’s their 5 Popular Environmental Beliefs (That Aren’t Totally Accurate). Or, as we might say, Are Utter Bullshit.

5. “China Deserves All The Blame”

This might seem a bit of a stretch, but Cracked have a pretty good point. Yes, they admit, China is the world’s biggest CO2 emitter, but an awful lot of that is from making products that Western environmentalists just love to buy by the tanker-load.

In fact, this situation is symptomatic of the broader lie of “greening”. Germany, for instance, claims to have “greened” its energy market – when what they’re really doing is importing energy from other countries who are supposedly doing the polluting. Even worse, Germany’s “green” biomass industry imports tonnes of wood chips from Canada… and burns them.

Pretty much all of these so-called “helping the environment” initiatives by Western countries fall completely flat on their face when you realize that most of them are just outsourcing carbon to other countries, making their own countries look green-friendly by comparison.

4. “What We Need Are International Agreements”

If the lie of “going green” and letting China take the rap for the emissions is bad, the claim that international agreements are going to save the world is even worse. Because these agreements aren’t worth jack – except for greenwashing the image of signatory countries.

For starters, a lot of people assume the Paris Agreement makes countries take action, but this is very far from the truth. There are actually zero repercussions for any country breaking their oath or even failing to reduce emissions at all. On top of that, the hastily written document has basically no set requirements or emissions levels that countries collectively need to hit. Countries make their own goals and decide when they’ve hit them, which is a bit like giving yourself a gold medal for doing nothing. Any country can set any goal they want, no matter how blatantly useless it is, then claim that they’ve done their part.

Consider the Kyoto Agreement: Australia and the US were lambasted for refusing to sign up. But both countries in practice exceeded what their Kyoto targets would have been, while nearly all of the signatories who basked in the adulation failed to meet theirs.

3. “Switching To Electric Cars Will Save Us”

This one is a no-brainer for BFD readers. You’re all smart enough to have realised long ago that, while electric cars don’t burn that evil petrol, they do plenty of polluting that’s hidden from their smug owners’ notice.

For starters, the number of resources and energy needed to produce an electric car is still pretty big. The carbon footprints of Tesla factories are steadily climbing each year, and it seems as though they are trying to hide this very detail. A multi-billion dollar corporate entity wants to maintain its public image? What a mystery.

On top of that, Tesla cars still create quite a bit of pollution. The energy used to charge a tesla has to come from somewhere, and for most people, that energy currently comes from coal and other fossil fuel sources.

2. “Using Paper Straws Is Better Than Plastic Straws”

The paper straw collective idiocy is proof of the dictum that “Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies”. The alleged environmental impact of plastic straws is mostly a figment of an activist’s imagination – and paper straws are useless pieces of crap.

Paper straws suck, and not in the way straws are supposed to suck. Back in 2019, McDonald’s in the UK switched to all paper straws, and customers reported the straw dissolving before they finished their drink. McDonald’s also proudly proclaimed that the straws were recyclable, which they aren’t.

Just to put the final coating of bullshit on the moose-turd cake: plastic straws, sturdy and flexible, are really important for many disabled people. But who cares about a bunch of ‘retards’? There are the egos of middle-class, private school teenage activists to massage.

1. “You Should So Go Vegan”

Our last item is one close to BFD readers’ hearts. Not only do most of you enjoy a hearty steak, but the anti-meat crusade of the climate botherers is an existential threat to a great many New Zealander’s very livelihoods.

However, there’s this pervasive myth that going meatless also helps the environment substantially, and that’s not as true as you might think. For starters, the farms and factories growing and processing your fruit, vegetables, and soy products still take up a good bit of energy, not to mention the fuel needed to transport stuff like asparagus to other countries. On top of that, though you don’t plan on it, stats say that you’re likely to put the extra money you save by not buying meat is into other carbon-emitting sources, like vehicle purchases or extra plane trips.

Cracked

Going vegetarian or vegan is fine as a personal decision (although could you vegans just shut up about it, for once?) but, as a supposed climate solution, they’re complete garbage.

Like nearly every “climate action”, they’re at best mere greenwashing that does more to salve the consciousnesses of bourgeois climate activists. At worst, they’re making things much, much worse.

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Five Environmental Myths Demolished
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Lushington D. Brady

Punk rock philosopher. Liberalist contrarian. Grumpy old bastard. I grew up in a generational-Labor-voting family. I kept the faith long after the political left had abandoned it. In last decade or...