Words of wisdom from eighty-year-old toilet attendant and political commentator, Ken Bottie.
I meet a lot of men in lavatories.
Let me rephrase that. In my profession as a lavatory attendant I have had the pleasure of meeting gentlemen from all walks of life. You cannot be a men’s room attendant without developing broad sympathies. I have witnessed every sexual peccadillo from transvestitism to self-flagellation in the Victoria Street Gentlemen’s conveniences. I’m not judgemental. No doubt some would find my own preference for having a woman beat me with stiletto heels while I slowly eat a Whitakers peanut slab, strange. My wife certainly did. We had to stop it after she slipped and punctured the water bed. The insurance claim interview was most embarrassing.
There is however one fetish that still turns my stomach.
The worship of political leaders.
From Julius Caesar to Donald Trump, every single one of these preening self-obsessed mental cases deserve a padded cell not a position of power. Any of our fellow human beings who wishes to lord it over the rest of us should be viewed with contempt for it. It’s an unhealthy perversion up there with being a cannibal, necrophiliac or vegetarian. Imagine how much trouble humanity would have been spared if Hitler had got a chorus of ‘piss off and grow a proper moustache’ when he first addressed a Munich Beer hall? Instead he got ‘Heil Hitler’ and before you knew it Poland was invaded.
While worship of short German men may be a niche activity in New Zealand (102 K road, ask for Otto) the adoration of our current Prime Minister is everywhere. Our lady of Kindness, the face that launched a thousand magazine covers, the woman who saved us from the Coronas by locking us all up. Otherwise known by her first name ‘Jacinda’. Why and how has this become universal? Did we call Robert Muldoon ‘Rob’ or David Lange ‘Dave’? Or is this just a new development, familiarizing our leaders by calling them by their first names? If that’s the case god help us if M.P Kanwaljit Singh Bakshif ever makes it to P.M.
Of course it’s all the media’s doing. The first sector to receive a Corona bail out from ‘Jacinda’s’ government to the tune of 50 million. I’m sure in the fine print of the deal somewhere it promises a dollar for every ‘Jacinda’ that appears in print and two for every ‘Be Kind’.
It’s all a bit creepy.
A leader getting away with economic mismanagement not to mention the crushing of civil liberties because she preaches the gospel of kindness and looks like that half-way decent looking kindy teacher that you sorta didn’t mind getting a smack on the bum from.
A masochistic nation in thrall to its mistress.
(And if that’s your thing, try 105 K road and ask for Nasty Sue)
You can follow Ken on Twitter @BottieKen
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