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By The Council of Disobedient Women
In a press release today Massey University announced it has decided to rebrand and reorientate after struggling to be a University for grown-ups. For some time the University has wanted to be a safe play space for wee-woke-misogynists who have been really badly triggered by words and ideas. We received this statement today:
Massey University has had external advice on its health, safety and wellbeing obligations under the Health and Safety at Work Act 2015, and its duty of care to the University community, and has made the decision to become a Kindergarten on these grounds.
The legal advice we have received is that cancellation of the University courses, as concluded by the report, is the only way to eliminate the risk to health and safety and to ensure that the University would not be in breach of its health and safety obligations.
Massey University is committed to the values of Safetyism and we cannot accept any further risk or issues, or any risk of potential harm that may impact upon a particularly vulnerable community. Words are very hurtful and ideas are just too dangerous.
Massey says they will rebrand as Massey Misogynist Playpen and will be open to enrolments from anyone identifying as under six. They wanted to ban nuts but then they realised they couldn’t.
The Vice-Chancellor said he’s really excited about the new programme.
We are offering the Best Jazz Hands, Best Inside Voice, Best Using our Words (as opposed to nasty dictionary meanings), Best Pink and Blue outfits, Best sitting on the Mantra Mat. There will be gluten-free goody bags with soft toys, sparkly star stickers, and extra special bedtime stories with unicorns.
The Council of Disobedient Women expects every Massey Playpen enrollee will be issued a tinfoil hat. We think it is fitting for this institution.
[This followed the announcement that Massey University is revoking their agreement with Speak Up For Women to host their event ‘Feminism 2020’ at their Wellington Campus]