Warning

Contains New Zealand’s Hatey-est Hate-word
TRIGGER WARNING!

Excuse my levity, my wife is now thousands of miles away and I’ve been playing up; awarding myself a bit more interweb time to devote to the forces of Conservatism and Righteousness (same thing) and was rewarded with sheer delight on discovering New Zealander’s hatey-est hate-word. I’m tickled pink.

Here’s how it happened: during part of this bonus time I was assailed (it’s my own fault, I went looking for it) by the highly intellectual people at Stuff defending the Ardern lady’s missteps toward ridding the internet of nasties. According to Stuff, they examined “the origins and impact to date of Ardern’s standout achievement on the world stage.” That was when the mirth set in. It got worse.

There’s been a problem. You see: Amazon (who signed up to the Christchurch-Call) within weeks of signing the agreement allowed a broadcast of the Aussie maniac’s sick rampage to screen on their service ‘Twitch’ for fully thirty minutes before pulling it. The PM of Aotearoa was quizzed about the possible repercussions for Amazon and whether they may be sent to the naughty-chair, but she refused to answer (the ol’ Morrinsville-muteness afflicts her at these critical times; poor thing, probably a consequence of dirty-dairying):

“Ardern stayed quiet on the subject, ignoring requests for comment in the lead up to the United Nations General Assembly on Tuesday.”

This led to accusations that the pledge was “vague and lacking in accountability”, just like her, a cynic might say. Pity they didn’t say it was air-headed, then it would have been an entirely accurate personification. Welcome to our world.

Nevertheless, Stuff battled on, trying to find positives and they did! Breathlessly reporting actual hard-core proof that:

“New Zealanders have long thrived in dark corners of the web. One 2017 study analysed posting activity on 4chan’s /pol/, or “Politically Incorrect” discussion board, often linked to the alt-right movement and its rhetoric of hate and racism. It found that per capita, New Zealanders were posting more than any other country.”

poo GIF

My bulldust filter immediately sounded; forte, massimo-forte, massimo-cazzate! And the machine was entirely accurate. The study found nothing of the sort; it found that Kiwis, per capita, started more “new threads” (discussion starting points) than many other nationalities; the Democratic Republic of The Congo, for instance, or Papua New-Guinea, but on par with “Canada, Ireland, Finland and Australia”, apparently. But, apart from just more evidence of Stuff’s woeful but completely reliable mendacity; so what?

Figure 3: Heat map of the number of new /pol/ threads created per country, normalized by Internet-using population. The darker the country, the more participation in /pol/ it has, relative to its real-world Internet using population.

What’s much more interesting is the academic paper’s definition of ‘hate-speech’ which was sourced from “The world’s largest structured repository of regionalized, multilingual hate speech”, curated by an outfit named ‘Hatebase’ (Good grief). I couldn’t help myself; I went looking and, as a result of my intrepid journey into hatey-hate-hate-speech swamp-country, I found the treasure I sought.

So; here it is Ladies, Gents, and including all you In-betweens: in an exclusive BFD scoop, I bring you New Zealand’s most foul, filthy, vile, outrageous, never-to-be-said, hate-filled word, according to the very clever academic people who can be completely trusted to curate such matters: (avert your eyes, you sensitive type’s)

They even have a map of reported ‘sightings’, but perhaps they mean ‘citings’, of the foul b_g_n slur (I hereafter and forevermore refuse to repeat the word, despite the fact it’s what my children call me; I must chastise them) which unsurprisingly locates examples of the b-word occurring in both Waitakere and Blenheim, but, shamefully, it appears to have also spread to Alice Springs and New Caledonia…

If that’s not bad enough, by zooming the map out we can see the filthy noun is now contagion, out of control, used in Hyderabad, the Ivory Coast, and Togo:

Lord; save us, and protect us from b_g_ns, which plural, incidentally, is the second-most foul word used in this country, according to Hatebase. No, I’m not making this up – I’m not from Stuff.

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idbkiwi
Living in Wellington idbkiwi is self-employed in a non-governmental role which suits his masochistic tendencies. He watches very little television, preferring to read or research, but still subscribes to the daily paper despite his distillation of dismay and disappointment at the very low standards of the modern press on every opening of the awful rag. He is married, to an obviously very unfortunate woman, and has a family who allegedly loves him despite his right-wing nut-job views on life and the meaning of. He believes laughter is the best medicine for whatever ails you, closely, very closely, followed by wine. He hopes to reach retirement, both alive and eventually.