SATIRE
Kay O’Lacey
We very much enjoy the podcast and other creative output from US-based Andrew Klavan. The recent “How America Went Mad” podcast episode contains a 03:53 minute preamble, transcribed below. It comes with a trigger warning. Buckle-up!
“You know, every now and then I think it’s important to step back from the hurly burly, argle bargle, political jingle jangle, and take a looky schnoky at the stinking thinking of the other sidey widey. After all no-one is correct all of the time.
Sometimes we on the political right can become so passionate about preserving our inherited liberties that we overlook the legitimate concerns of demonic hell-spawn who want to slaughter babies and sexually mutilate children while at the same time replacing the capitalist engine of free societies with the socialist system that has reduced civilisations to rubble and slavery wherever it’s been tried.
Surely these leftists have something to contribute to our national life? Tie-dyed tee shirts are very nice for instance, especially if you wash your car by hand and need something to dry it with. Leftists have also liberated women from the restrictive existence of home-making and motherhood so they can explore a wider world of almost infinite regret and depression. And what about rap music and hip hop? Without rap’s monotonous rhythms, foul-mouthed lyrics, crappy values and misogyny, we’d have no other way to degrade the lives of black people, except welfare and the public school system. But that’s a left-wing contribution too..
Anyway; in order to bring Americans together, with leftists, I sometimes like to explore those areas where the right and left can find common ground. One example; both right and left understand that free speech is one of the foundational values that uphold American liberty.
Indeed, leftists are so committed to preserving their freedom of speech that, if anyone else tries to speak, they immediately set out to stop them. In addressing free speech, the left has three main areas of concern:
- Book-Banning – let’s say a few small minded parents force an elementary school to remove a perfectly reasonable book on homosexual pornography from the library’s lower shelves and put it on a higher shelf where only 3rd graders can reach it, this is what the left calls book banning, and it must be opposed in the name of free speech (and homosexual pornography). In the same way, when Ryan Anderson wrote a book in opposition to the transgender movement, left wing activists selflessly took time out from threatening the lives of Matt Walsh’s family to ensure Amazon dropped Anderson’s book from their store, which of course is not book banning, because you can still get Anderson’s book in any dark alley where books are sold by people trying to avoid being assaulted by left-wing activists.
- Misinformation; now of course, to most of us, misinformation is just the harmless winner of a beauty contest where bearded women with penises parade on stage in tuck-friendly bikinis. But no, misinformation is actually a serious problem and must be suppressed in order for free speech to thrive. During the last presidential election, for instance, when Hunter Biden’s laptop revealed a network of Biden family corruption that possibly reached the candidate Joe Biden himself, now Secretary of State Anthony Blinken arranged for over 50 former CIA spies to tar the laptop as Russian misinformation. With the help of a vigilant news media, that Russian misinformation was suppressed before anyone could find out it was true. So you can see that the left feels it’s very important to suppress misinformation is true. Finally,
- Violence. There is some speech the left believe should not be free that is speech that is actually violence. Right-wing speech for instance is violence. You can tell right-wing speech is violence, because, whenever right-wingers try to speak, left-wingers physically attack them. Now, you may say “but, wait that’s left wing violence!” Ha ha! But you see; violence is how the left expresses itself, so their violence is actually a form of speech. Once you understand that right wing speech is violence, and left wing violence is speech, it then becomes clear that the left supports free speech as long as it’s violence, and opposes violence as long as it’s speech. Just as they wish to suppress misinformation whenever it’s information, and oppose book-banning only so long as it doesn’t involve banning books which they support. Because if you don’t ban books, it leads to the spread of misinformation. Let’s face it, he looks absolutely ridiculous in that bikini!