Sir Robert Muldoon, former Prime Minister of New Zealand, always used to say that if you don’t have any enemies in politics then “you’re no bloody good“; oh so true – especially in his case when he caused certain people (of the Douglas, Bassett, Moore, Rowling variety) to waste the best years of their life in opposition irrelevance. No wonder they hated him so much.
If you have ever the need to engage in a spot of self-flagellation look no further than attending some pointless, irrelevant “business seminar” in a provincial city. The no-hopers, the big noters, the losers, the simply odious: who turn up to such things, business cards in hand, to “network” and engage in a certain “ism”: it really is a scene to behold and yet another reason I no longer do business in this country.
On the occasions when I have ventured into such a seminar, always at the urging of a friend who is invariably running it, I always get into trouble by making snide comments and asking perfectly legitimate questions. Such as “Yes, but do you have any customers?“. Always guaranteed to get me into hot water.
Examples include being buttonholed by someone “networking” at the morning tea, thrusting a business card at me, pretending he’s involved in some wizz bang activity or other (hence living in Invercargill or Oamaru or somewhere); in response, I ask, “But do you have any customers?” Their response, without exception, is one of quizzical looks, bewilderment, and often not quite understanding the question.
You’re probably getting the general idea by now, dear reader, that those who attend such nonsense events usually don’t have customers or real businesses – other than a website and business cards. To paraphrase Sir Robert Muldoon: “The reason you don’t have any customers is because you’re no bloody good.”
A perfect example of what I am referring to is a company called Functional Foods, in Southland. It makes something called “Oat Milk” (whatever that is) and its majority shareholder is a billionaire. But it has just been given a $6 million handout of our money – (well, actually, your money) – because every billionaire requires taxpayer handouts, right kids?
Stuart Nash was in Invercargill yesterday throwing the cash around and foolishly claiming, “…there was a compelling business case.” I say “foolishly” because we all know how these things invariably play out. If the business case is indeed “compelling” then why not go to the bank for the money? Or do an IPO? Or get a certain billionaire to stump up more money? Nash made a further fool of himself with the typical Beehive “8-year-old-girl” logic of asking why we send logs overseas.
By now you are probably moved to tears, and understandably so: frustrated at how such nonsense can take place in a first-world country. Taxes are being stolen from minimum wage workers mopping floors and given to billionaires under the guise of some nonsense known as the Regional Strategic Partnership Fund. Anyone (ahem) who complains (spare a thought for the minimum wage floor mopping chappie having his pay packet lightened) is predictably denounced.
If they had any customers they wouldn’t need tax dollars: simple as that folks!