Good morning, kittens.

Have you heard about the new language sweeping Aotearoa? It’s called White Saviour-reo and it resounds from every ‘progressive’ pulpit with all the missionary zeal of, well, nineteenth-century missionaries, as if uttered by that age’s barking street-proselytisers.

White Saviour-reo. Image credit The BFD.

You can hear it, not so much spoken as spat out, on any neo-Marxist media nursery like Red-radio or Pravda TV, and even find it scattered about online outlets bending left.

White Saviour-reo is loosely based on the language of the New Zealand Maori, that lyrical and lilting tongue whose lack of many consonants of spoken English lend Te Reo a certain harmonising quality and beauty.

In White Saviour-reo the appropriated words become compressed, mangled, stripped of dignity and fired at you as if from the barrel of a Maxim machine-gun in staccato bursts. This is designed to enhance the utterer’s credentials amongst fellow White Saviours: those deeply devout guilt-burdened catastrophics carrying Kipling’s legacy backwards into the twenty-first century. The garbled gobbledygook serves as a wink, a nod, or a Freemason’s handshake to those equally drunk with self-aggrandisement’s internal, eternal charms.

Our neo-Kiplings see not the moral message, indeed duty, the burden he spoke of in carrying the good but slightly unintelligible news of Christianity and Enlightenment on bearers’ backs to destinations dark, whether those recipients wanted it or not, spreading the myths of Empire and her language across forest track and dusty desert to races dusky and diverse. No! Proto-Kiplings are despised by neo-Kiplings, though they swagger through their duty with the identical patronising gait and self-assuredness, a moral superiority dispensed with barely-disguised contempt from their soap-boxes seethed in arrogance.

Our neo-Kiplings blame proto-Kiplings for disturbing the idyllic native way of life and debasing the native tongue with dotterings of wretched English.

Neo-Kiplings, our new White-Saviours – hip hip, hooray! (mainly the product of the better-off and better-educated class and seized with a passion in equal parts for incivility and vanity both) – are determined to colonise spoken English with large smatterings of their White Saviour-reo. This renders their message unintelligible to most, but oh! Never mind the word-jumble, feel the moral superiority.

Our new White-Saviours are determined to colonise spoken English with large smatterings of their White Saviour-reo.

We are truly blessed to have these new, twenty-first century White Saviours in our midst, boldly dragging the voice of reo to the fore, but whether the proprietors of said tongue want that or not matters not a whit, for they are the way, the truth, and the light-skinned. They believe they know, and are, best.

But would someone ask them, please, to buy a mirror, and hold it up to themselves.

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White Saviour-Reo, the New Language Sweeping Aotearoa


Living in Wellington idbkiwi is self-employed in a non-governmental role which suits his masochistic tendencies. He watches very little television, preferring to read or research, but still subscribes...