The Story of English, the book accompaniment to the 1986 BBC tv series, is a fascinating read through the history of the English language. Its story of how the language of one small island evolved into a global lingua franca, is an entertaining and informative trip through Old and Middle English, to Shakespeare, to English variations around the globe.
It’s the latter, however, that tends to raise the eyebrows of Antipodean readers. Especially when it asserts that there is no readily discernible difference between Australian and New Zealand English. To be fair, it acknowledges that native speakers are quick to beg to differ regarding accents (ecksints). But that ignores the wealth of phrases and words which distinguish them.
With that in mind, here is a brief lexicon of Australian vs. New Zealand English.
First, a couple which genuinely puzzled your humble Australian correspondent.
A holiday home.
NZ: Bach.
Aus: In WA and Tasmania, a “shack”; other states with tickets on themselves go for the fancy “holiday house”.
A convenience store.
NZ: Dairy.
Aus: Milk bar.
Next up, some which are very well known on this side of the Tasman, despite not being used here.
Portable Cooler.
NZ: Chilly bin.
Aus: Esky.
Thongs or flip flops.
NZ: Jandals.
Aus: Thongs.
Hiking.
NZ: Tramping.
Aus: Bushwalking.
Cocktail sausage.
NZ: Cheerio.
Aus: Little boy. (If you get invited to a birthday party with fairy bread and little boys, don’t panic. It’s entirely innocent.)
There are also a great many very similar words and phrases which no doubt reflect our close kinship.
Indicating a rhetorical question or a statement.
NZ: Eh.
Aus: Ay. (Although this is strictly reserved for Queenslanders or bogans – which is much the same thing, ay?)
Have a temper-tantrum.
NZ: Pack a Sad.
Aus: Crack the sads. (Although this more properly means “to sulk”. A genuine tantrum is to “Chuck a hissy”.)
Sausage.
NZ: Snarler.
Aus: Snag.
A place in the middle of nowhere.
NZ: The wops.
Aus: Woop-woop. (Pronounced like “book”, not “boot”..
Drywall, plasterboard interior wall lining.
NZ: Gib board, Gibraltar board.
Aus: Gyprock.
Swimsuit.
NZ: Togs.
Aus: Togs (Qld); swimmers, cossie (NSW); bathers (Vic, Tas, SA and WA). “Budgie smugglers” refers specifically to Speedos; shorts are “boardies”.
Taking the long way to get to a destination.
NZ: Tiki Tour.
Aus: Cook’s Tour. (This can have two meanings: to give someone “the Cook’s Tour” is to show them around, especially your home; but if someone is late, you’d ask if they “Took the Cook’s Tour”). Also: The Scenic Route.
There are also slang terms which describe the same thing, but are nothing alike.
Chewing gum.
NZ: Chuddy.
Aus: Chewy.
Thank you.
NZ: Chur.
Aus: Ta.
Used to describe something that is broken.
NZ: Pakaru.
Aus: Cactus.
Someone who is well dressed.
NZ: Skux.
Aus: Flash as a rat; or Flash as a rat with a gold tooth.
Soda.
NZ: Fizzy drink.
Aus: Lemonade; soft drink. (Interestingly, Tasmania is similar to New Zealand: here, it’s called “fizzy cordial” or just “cordial”.).
Gumboots.
NZ: Red Bands.
Aus: Gumbies, gumboots. (We used to have “blue ringers”, but that referred to “tighty-whitey” style men’s underwear.).
To be pleased with something.
NZ: Choice.
Aus: Sweet.
Lost, or somewhere remote.
NZ: Up the boohai; up the Puhoi..
Aus: Backabourke. (Out “back of Bourke”, NSW.).
Finally, there are New Zealand words we Aussies just have no real equivalent for: Scarfie. Land Waka. Stink one. Hardout.
Glass of beer.
I have no idea whatsoever about New Zealand, but ordering a beer is a Byzantine maze of complexity in Australia. When I was brought up in Victoria, beer came in Pots and Glasses. A pot was 15oz and glass was 10oz. Schooners and Middys were just a Sydney-sider affectation, a bit like rugby or gay mardi-gras (which are much the same thing, if you ask us Southerners). But now this Sydney rubbish has spread south, and pots are called Schooners everywhere except Adelaide.
The City of Churches calls Schooners Pints. So, what do they call an actual pint? An Imperial Pint; which, spoken in a la-de-da Adelaide accent , sounds something like Princess Margaret ordering breakfast. Even worse, they call 10ozs Schooners, which makes no damn sense. No wonder they’re all serial killers.
What used to be a Glass in Victoria is now a Pot. Which explains why, last time I ordered a Pot in Melbourne, everyone looked at me like I was a girl. Brisbanites call a 10oz a Pot, too; but they’re Queenslanders and don’t know any better.
Here in Tasmania, we at least have the good sense to call a 10oz glass a Ten. Everywhere else, they’re a Middy, except Darwin, where they’re a Handle.
But, finally, the burning question is: potato cake or potato scallop? Any other answer than “potato cake” is, of course, just wrong and you should be ashamed of yourself.
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