As recently reported on The BFD New Zealand’s very own Duchess of Globalist Elitism, Helen Clark, has published a new report just chock-full of the sort of finger-wagging wokescolding that UN cronies specialise in.

Coming from the UN and Clark, the report is short on objective facts but very, very long on subjective fluff about “flourishing”, and just brim-full of fishwife nagging. Naturally, of course, well-off, safe, peaceful Western nations like Australia come in for particular harsh censure, ranking just 174th out of 180 on her “Sustainability Index”.

So, just which countries does Her Royal Wokeness really admire?

Coming in at number one is the real Happiest Place on Earth. No, not Disneyland!…Burundi.

Burundi is best known as a free-fire slaughter zone where Tutsis and Hutus take turns genociding each other.

Still, if you are able to survive machete-armed gangs, starvation and poverty, you’ll have the massive ­advantage of living (briefly) amid sustainable carbon dioxide levels.

Next up on Helen’s Global Index of Wokeness is the only country named after a fratlord, but with noticeably less beer or babes…Chad.

Chad is celebrated for its colourful traditions of disease, corruption and ­female genital mutilation.

But with its low, low carbon dioxide output, Chad is 172 countries better than awful Australia.

Boy, you’d think Lady Clark is setting the bar low, there, but at least Chad came in just ahead of…Somalia.

Children were big news last month in the UN’s third-placed sustainability wonderland. Mohammed Dhaysane reported:

“At least three children between the ages of 4 and 6 died from hunger and disease in Mogadishu’s Kahda neighbourhood internally displaced camps Friday […]

“‘Our life here is miserable, today at least three children died because diseases, hunger and malnutrition and no one cares about us,’ Fadimo Hassan, a mother in one of the camps told Anadolu Agency.”

Cheer up, Fadimo. You’re living in the UN’s third-best place on earth.

Nothing quite fires up New Zealand’s globalist Marie Antoinette than the issue of women’s rights. Why, in patriarchal hell-hole Australia, girls only lead boys in education results, life expectancy, mental health, likelihood not to commit suicide or be murdered…

Unlike that feminist paradise…the Democratic Republic of the Congo.

Sure, it might be the rape capital of the world, but don’t let that minor blemish blind you to the DRC’s impressively low and totally non-shameful emissions output.

And even if you can only expect to live for just 60 years or so, that merely means you’re doing your bit to keep emissions from ever reaching dangerous Australian levels.

Rounding up the Top Five Paradises-on-Earth and making it a quinella of sustainability and flourishing for Africa, is the Central African Republic.

Proudly among the ten poorest nations on earth, which is their way of preventing future sustainability issues, the Central African Republic is somehow considered by a recent study to be the worst country in the world for young people.

This must be a mistake, because Australia has “lost its way” and is “shameful” on account of our emissions and all.

Such is the world according to the mindset of Helen Clark and her globalist cronies. Which is certainly not the world of thee and me. But then, we can’t afford to worry so much about climate change that we have to sacrifice everything to constantly jet about the world from luxury resort to luxury resort.

The UN really should compose a hypocrisy index.

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You’ll Never Guess Where Helen Clark Thinks Are the Greatest Places on Earth

Lushington D. Brady

Punk rock philosopher. Liberalist contrarian. Grumpy old bastard. I grew up in a generational-Labor-voting family. I kept the faith long after the political left had abandoned it. In last decade or...