Advice
Satire
The BFD source on the inside has just sent us the draft of Ardern’s next speech.
I say to you today, my fellow Kiwis, even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in my aspirations for a role at the UN.
I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of our socialist creed: “We hold these truths to be self-evident; that all men are created equal, but obviously, some of us are more equal than the rest of you.”
I have a dream that one day on the green hills of the King Country, the sons of former farmers and the sons of former landowners will be able to sit down together and cry into their beer after they were driven off the land by our anti-farming planet-saving policies.
I have a dream that one day even the city of Wellington, a city crippled by Labour and Green transport decisions, will be transformed into an oasis of walking and cycling.
I have a dream that Neve Te Aroha will one day live in a nation where children will not be judged by their abilities but by their correct choice of pronoun.
I have a dream today.
This is our hope. This is the result that I will go back to the UN with. With this result, we will be able to hew out of the mountain of prosperity a mountain of debt. With this result, we will be able to transform the previous harmony of our nation into a beautiful copy of Venezuela.
I have a dream today.