Yes, One of These People Could be President

New Zealand politics can often be a dull, tiresome affair. Kind of like my first marriage but with less angry heckling. By contrast, American politics never fails to intrigue. It’s the stakes. If it employed its power the U.S could end all civilization by noon tomorrow. New Zealand could perhaps make a decent fist of invading Tonga and really trouble the world’s supply of pineapple lumps.

This 4^th of July, President Trump decided to pull out all the stops and unabashedly celebrate American kick-arsery. Lots of tanks, planes and marines. Critics on the Left accused him of attempting the kind of military parade tin pot dictators are fond of. They’re wrong of course. No tin pot dictator has a B-2 stealth bomber. Being a Right-wing arsehole I loved it. I think it’s a good thing that the largest military force in the world is possessed by the same guys who fought the Nazis, stared down the Soviet Union and ensured the Pax Americana necessary for the greatest expansion of human wellbeing the world has ever seen.

I don’t know where I get these funny ideas from.

But what the military hardware on display reminds you is how important it is the right person gets to command it. Trump of course is a blustering bullshitter with an ego so big he never prays because he doesn’t like talking to himself. But compared to those in the democrat party lining up to replace him he’s a picture of mental health. In fact, judging by their campaigns so far the only way these people should be allowed into the white house is on the free tour for tourists. Even then they’d have to be watched around the Presidential silverware. And Biden around the Presidential secretaries.

 So I humbly offer a break from the ‘10 Ways Simon Bridges is Toast’ / ‘How Plastic Bags Cause Hurricanes’ articles of the NZ media, with a series on the fools, grifters and outright mentalists vying to be the Democratic Party nominee for the next President of the United States.

1: OLD JOE ‘BIDEN HIS TIME’.

After eight years of carrying Obama’s overnight bag and straightening chairs in the oval office, Joe Biden is ready to have a crack at the top job. His inclusion on the democrat ticket back in 2008 could be seen as a sop to the latent racists in the democrat party (remember they were the party of the South – the bad guys in the Civil War). They didn’t quite trust this black dude as President, reasoning that if he starts smoking crack and partying with Snoop Dogg in the Roosevelt room, old Joe the sensible white guy would be there to step in and get things back on track. That’s the role he’s attempting to play again, the sane, Volvo driving, Lions Club member alternative to both the erratic Trump and the other Democrat loons to the left of him. The American public initially seemed to agree, with early polling by the nonpartisan political group ‘The Hill’ putting him at 42% to Trump’s 36% in a hypothetical 2020 match up.

Then came the first debate.

Biden looked old and doddery.  Not only that, he immediately threw away his only advantage of being a middle-of-the-roader by joining the rest of the candidates in going radically left on immigration. When asked by the moderator who among them would extend government funded health care to illegal immigrants he raised his hand along with the rest. It’s possible someone as old as Biden misheard the question and thought it was ‘Who needs a bathroom break?’ but to the citizens watching whose taxes would actually pay for Pedro’s gall bladder operation, it didn’t look good.

Then Senator Kamala Harris (a P.O.C) went after Biden on race. She opened their exchange with ‘I do not believe you are a racist’ and then went on to question his ties to segregationist senators of the past. Sort of like saying ‘I don’t believe you’re a child molester…but what’s with the Michael Jackson T-shirts?’ It was hugely unfair as someone as old as Biden would have had to deal with segregationists to get anything done back when he was in congress. Hell, the guy probably got Lincoln his theatre tickets. But it worked, with Biden taking a hit in the polls post-debate and Harris rising.

Add to this Biden’s penchant for getting uncomfortably close to young women and smelling their hair (What now? – maybe that was a thing back in the late 1880s) and his chances don’t look good.

It’s not going to be pretty watching this geriatric, racist-adjacent, lady-huffer getting ripped apart by the Woke left of the Democrat Party. But it will be entertaining. And I wouldn’t feel sorry for him. If it gets too much he can always retire to his 2.7 million dollar vacation home and his 100,000 dollar a pop speaking engagements.

Next week: Kamala ‘Lala land’ Harris.