It’s my own fault. Watch one cat video and they’re in your feed for life. I don’t mind too much; everyone loves a bit of fun at a cat’s expense. One that popped up last night is a little piece of evil genius, a tech take on kitty-chase-the-string. It’s an app simply called ‘Catch the Mouse’. In this video, the lady of the house places her tablet between her triumvirate posse of purries and records as they go at it while the on-screen mouse squeaks and scurries across the surface, then disappears, briefly, teasing them, before reappearing to tease them more:


It’s hilarious as the limited IQ felines watch intensely, attempt to trap it, catch it, end up confused by it, and try to look under the device to work out where the mouse went before pouncing again in an attempt to splat the indefatigable rodent. They’re so lovably stupid. It’s fun entertainment for sure: we should thank our lucky stars Homo sapiens are gifted far better brains than Felis silvestris catus. Imagine if we were to spend our time falling for such simple tricks.

Anyway, needs must, current affairs must be caught up with lest they wither to after-affairs, and the cat video had steeped in me the light mood necessary before delving into the slanted fiction collection known colloquially as the local rag and, there it was, on page 2. Spare me days! Stone the crows. Synchronicity. Deja vu: three cat-size IQ’s being moused by Mr Peters.


Messrs Whyte, Palmer and Walls “staking out” a select committee room ready to pounce on their prey like so many stupid moggies onto a tablet. How remarkably dim-witted.

Nice Mr Peters rolled down his window, Mr Walls says, laughing, saying “I brought you a present,” before handing Mr Walls a spinning-top. Mr Walls says, “I don’t know what it means.”


Oh, I think we do; Jason. That’s Winston’s mickey to your mouse. Have fun. It should keep you entertained for hours.

Living in Wellington idbkiwi is self-employed in a non-governmental role which suits his masochistic tendencies. He watches very little television, preferring to read or research, but still subscribes...