Kay O’Lacey
wokejoke.nz
The much-hyped and well-funded inaugural Miss Apartheid New Zealand Contest (2022) ended in drama after one of the two finalists was accused by the other of ‘cheating’, resulting in her elimination.
Despite high hopes for [a] broad range of contestants drawing from all of the female Labour and Greens MPs (not to mention the thousands of Public Servants working eagerly ‘behind the scenes’ to facilitate the Apartheid Agenda), the stage was set for a rocky inaugural event when, in the end, only two contestants actually ‘fronted’.
The lack of enthusiasm by prospective contestants in participating in the contest was voiced by one as “…I’m happy to push apartheid behind the scenes, as it, like, pays much better than actual productive work, but my friend Moonbeam says that the title will like, like, ‘age’ quickly. She said that people in NZ used to, like, get really angry about apartheid, and maybe that could happen again…”
That left just Jacinda Ardern and Nanaia Mahuta in the contest. But with Mahuta taking out all early rounds of the competition, the hapless Ardern dropped a bomb-shell ahead of the swimsuit finale by complaining to judges that Mahuta was actually married and should on that basis be eliminated.
While the winner’s speech comprised largely undecipherable misinformation, the runner-up’s speech was a lot clearer: “I knew that skinny bitch would pull a swifty before the judges got a change to see m’ hooters in a one-piece”.