Making the Twitter left cry is shooting fish in a barrel, maybe, but few people do it so well as Jeremy Clarkson. This is the fellow, after all, who recently opened a beef-only restaurant in a barn on his farm – no vegetarian options. It’s not fair! emaciated hordes of vegans, well, not so much wailed as feebly whispered. They’d have shook their fists, too, but they didn’t have the strength.
Now, Jezza’s winding up the Twits by enjoying the summer weather.
‘It’s very hot in the south of France but so far as I know, there’s no DefCon 8 level 3 killer death heatwave warning in place.’
Half a million Brits flock to Australia every summer. The same number holiday in Malta. If you’ve ever been to Malta in summer, the heat is something else compared to even Australia. Unlike much of Australia, the insufferable heat in Malta isn’t ever relieved by cool changes. Despite being relatively small islands, it stays stifling hot, day after day after day. And it barely cools down at night.
Yet, Britain is Malta’s single biggest source of tourists.
Other favourite holiday destinations for Brits are Ibiza, Mallorca, Crete, Florida… notice a pattern, there? All very, very hot places.
But, second to getting pissed and making idiots of themselves in hot foreign lands, Brits’ other great pleasure is complaining. Naturally, when the sort of weather they’d normally have to vomit through a Ryanair flight to enjoy comes right to them at home, all they can do is whinge that it’s the end of the world.
Clarkson’s July 17 tweet was immediately ‘fact checked’ by a swarm of overheated Poms and Frogs posting apocalypse-themed weather maps that came with a lot of ‘strong warnings’ that Clarkson ‘shouldn’t tweet when he’s wrong’.
The weather maps provided were helpfully colour-coded, with extreme heat depicted as dark purple and mauve. They probably went to the same school of weather that coloured Australia’s intense flooding rains as ‘red, orange and yellow’.
“People are dying!” shriek the Climate Cultists. Well, yes, they are: mostly from the cold. As even the cult’s very own Watchtower, the Guardian, hooted and gibbered a few years back.
‘Every day we wake up to increasingly alarming headlines about coronavirus, but where is the panic about the tens of thousands who are already dying unnecessarily? Britain’s rate of excess winter deaths is twice that of Finland,’ insisted the Guardian, a couple of years ago when things got catastrophically chilly. ‘An average of 9,700 deaths each year are believed to be caused by living in a cold house.’
The Guardian seems to be suffering a little apocalypse-dysphoria. One minute they’re on their knees begging for money to build warmer houses for the poor, and the next they’re running headlines like, UK is no longer a cold country and must adapt to heat, say climate scientists.
The point, like Soviet propaganda, is not to inform, but to keep the proles permanently terrified and obedient.
Meanwhile, just five Poms have died from this summer’s heatwave (damn, is that all?): from drowning. Which suggests that swimming lessons would do a lot more good than destroying your nation’s energy infrastructure. But then, there’s not as much money to be made from swimming lessons.
Mind you, only the Brits could find a way to complain about perfect beach weather.
Another easy fix – if you were a sensible sort of person, which, of course, the cultists are not – would be to buy an air-conditioner. In fact, that’s exactly what the cult have been advocating: except they call them “heat pumps”. That’s what we call them in Tasmania, too, but it means exactly the same thing: a plain, old split-system air-conditioner.
It’s a measure of the cult’s basic insanity that suggesting exactly the same thing to cope with heatwaves in summer as they were suggesting to cope with cold temperatures in winter, sends them into gibbering outrage. These people are nuts.
Anyway, the heat wave will be over in a few days, and England will go back to raining – and the Poms will go back to what they do best: whining.
For the next few weeks, the UK is set to cool down and start raining – which people are already complaining will ruin their summer plans.
Spectator Australia