The functional idiot masquerading as the Prime Minister, Jacinda Ardern, has had two Helen Clark moments in as many days. I’m surprised she hasn’t fielded calls from Darryl Kerrigan telling her she’s dreaming.

The first example of Ardern emulating Helen Clark was when she claimed she was unaware she was speeding around New York in a motorcade:

Helen Clark also failed to notice when her own motorcade was speeding through the South Island at speeds exceeding 150km/h so that she could make it to a rugby game. Clark arrogantly said she didn’t notice and then hung out the Police and the driver to dry when Police prosecuted them for following Clark’s orders to get to the rugby on time. Thankfully the All Blacks beat Australia 16-7 and retained the Bledisloe Cup but I’m sure they would have done that despite Clark’s efforts to attend.

Nothing says out of touch like a speeding motorcade.

Her second example of channelling Helen Clark came with her pronouncement that New Zealand can handle security issues in the Pacific, as China seeks to sign a sweeping, region-wide agreement with 10 island nations.

Ardern, speaking while on a trade mission in the United States, said China was trying to expand its engagement with the Pacific into areas where the need could already be met.

“We’re very strongly of the view that we have within the Pacific the means and ability to respond to any security challenges that exist, and New Zealand is willing to do that.

“It’s not for us to speak on behalf of other Pacific Island nations but what I can say is that where that need exists, New Zealand stands ready to respond to it.”

Oh really?

That will age about as well as Helen Clark’s ‘incredibly benign strategic environment’ facepalm did.

The NZDF is a shadow of what it was even under Clark, and the lockdowns and MiQ use of the military has destroyed morale, recruitment and total head count. A comparison of China’s military vs our own is embarrassing. They have more than two million active personnel while we have 9,085. We can call on 3,064 reserves, China has 510,000.

It is a joke that the student politician and functioning idiot thinks we can respond to any security needs as they arise in the Pacific.

Hell’s teeth; when Sitiveni Rabuka undertook his coups in 1987, the then Prime Minister, the bellicose David Lange, called in the head of Defence and ordered him to prepare an invasion force to restore democracy in Fiji. The Defence Force chief pretty much laughed in Lange’s face. We have never had the ability to project force, even to a country like my home country of Fiji. In fact, Fiji’s military forces almost put ours to shame, with 4,040 active personnel and more than 6,000 reservists. On top of that Fiji’s troops are constantly cycling through various UN peace-keeping missions and are tough soldiers.

Ardern is dreaming if she thinks we can handle anything more than a rowdy rugby game and bottle-throwing on the streets of Apia, let alone serious military interventions from countries meaning to expand their growing empire.

Here’s what is going to happen, no matter how much Ardern flaps her gums and her hands: Those nations will sign up yesterday, for vast swathes of Chinese cash, if they can.  A few million will change pockets and the deals will be done.  The islands are a cheap investment for China.  With Island politicians, the man who waves the cash and the benefits (even if that includes a super yacht full of Russian prostitutes for a week (true story) is enough.  The decades of RAMSI, NZAID, and AUSAID funding means absolutely nothing. None of these actually achieved anything of great value. Whereas the Chinese cash got new roads, hotels, airports, ports etc built.

Ardern likes to talk a big game, but in reality, she uses small thinking, or in this case none at all. I think what she really means is that her daddy is an ex-cop who lives part-time in Tokelau, so he will sort things out. The only call she will get is from Darryl Kerrigan.

No wonder she wears her delusion on her face wherever she goes.

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As much at home writing editorials as being the subject of them, Cam has won awards, including the Canon Media Award for his work on the Len Brown/Bevan Chuang story. When he’s not creating the news,...