Oh God, Another Bad Poll! Clarke Save Me With a Tweet

Jacinda Ardern experienced another bad poll this week, about the sixth poll that shows them trailing the National Party. This one was from Curia and it is indeed a bad poll both for the Labour Party and Jacinda Ardern.

It gets worse for Labour and Ardern: voters are over Covid, but that’s all they’ve got. Cost of living and the faltering economy are what voters are focussed on.

A poorly functioning economy and vastly increased costs of living are the sorts of issues that end governments. Add in law and order and Labour are toast. Focussing on climate change and offering subsidies so poor people can get a little bit closer to dreaming of getting a Tesla won’t help Labour either.

I’m buggered if I know why Christopher Luxon is trying to out-woke Labour on climate change. He should be hammering law and order, the economy and cost of living. But no, instead he’s waist deep in climate change and getting deeper. He’ll pull on waders shortly.

I’ll try to be helpful, since he appears to still have his training wheels on. So, Chris, take a seat and listen. You thought that what you were saying was: “We don’t need climate change rules because businesses will do what is required anyway,” but what you actually said (as heard by the media) was: “Let’s make businesses pay for everything.” I have seen more politically astute bags of hammers. Lift your game, pal.

Meanwhile, the Prime Minister is bereft of ideas and beset by protestors everywhere she goes. No wonder she’s called in sick and hoping to garner sympathy for managing to have the tricky virus that was “literally hunting down the unvaccinated” catch her triple-jabbed ass instead. Unless, what she said is true and she wasn’t in fact vaccinated and therefore hunted down!

But that tactic isn’t working, with most people exclaiming “Good job!” rather than “Poor Jacinda”. What’s a feeble-minded tyrant to do?

Well, roll out the weapons of mass distraction. Get Jethro to tweet something stupid, that’ll do it.

And the inane state funded Team of $55 million jumped right in and reported it.

The Prime Minister’s fiance Clarke Gayford is a man of mystery to many.

But has his true identity finally been revealed? A UK news outlet seems to think so.

The Daily Mail called Gayford Jacinda Ardern’s “hairdresser fiance” in the headline of a story about the TV host’s Covid-19 diagnosis.

There’s no mystery. Most of us think he’s a dick, ploughing his way to stardom off the crooked back of his manky missus.

Gayford shared a screenshot of the headlines to his Instagram account last night, writing, “Freedom day and symptom free, which is a world away from when the Covid fever hit me so bad I somehow forgot I am a hairdresser.”

He also added a few humorous hashtags, including, “Hair by Clarke”, “Maybe he’s born with it, maybe it’s Covid” and “just a perm thanks”.

So is it Gayford who is responsible for Ardern’s signature hairstyle? Does he spend his days behind the barber’s chair styling the hair of Wellington’s elite?

The reports of his hairdressing have in fact been greatly exaggerated. Gayford is still, in fact, the TV host presenting Fish of the Day.

NZ Herald

Whatever! We don’t care. Did we ever hear from Bronagh Key? Of course not. Same with Burton Shipley. We only ever saw bitter letters to the editor from Helen Clark’s missus, Peter Davis. I can’t even remember Jim Bolger’s missus. You get my point.

But with these two, the media gets sticky knickers over fake Mother’s Day cards, wonky birthday cakes and dopey social media posts from Jack the Lad.

It’s embarrassing, inane and makes people just shake their head at the media’s inability to focus on the utterly poor performance and lack of progress on many key promises. The media are a lock for Labour. They are going to wonder what happened when Ardern is booted out on her arse. But no one will be more surprised that Ardern herself. Oh to have a camera in the van on her drive to Labour’s election night function. The blubbing and raging will be legendary. More than even Helen Clark’s blubbing in 2008.

But crying a river of tears won’t help her diminishing reputation as nothing more than an arm-flapping dolt with poor diction and no idea.

I can’t wait to see the back of her and the rest of the rank amateurs currently collapsing the economy through profligate and poorly targeted spending.

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