Sheriff Ardern strode into the Karangahape Saloon letting the batwing doors swing behind her. She ordered a RED~EYE (whisky) from the barperson and groaned.
“Trotsky Comrade I’m in it up to my neck. I should have warned Siouxsie about the ‘Banshee Woman’ from Irish mythology who likes to appear in pools and streams, a harbinger of bad news.
“Siouxsie and the ‘Banshee’ had been sunning themselves at Judges Bay and having a chin-wag during Level 4 Lockdown. This was topped off with Banshee’s verboten swim at Judges Bay.
“The ‘Banshee Woman’ who is a contributor to the Spin-off said on Twitter “Lockdowns do work actually, just do them properly, Dammit!”.
“Siouxsie had earlier said, “Don’t have a chat, there is Delta in the air, and wear masks outside as well.” These two pieces of advice seem to have been ignored by both of them at the aptly named Judges Bay.
“The Podium of Truth afterwards when asked about Banshee’s swim turned Monty Pythonesque for inspiration with a parody of the ‘Dead Parrot Sketch’ from the Flying Circus. “This is a woman swimming my good man.” “No it’s not, she’s only paddling Gov.”
“The Let’s Press-On Gallery’s Wells tried again. “This is a woman swimming.” The Ministry of Silly Thoughts replied “No it’s not. Siouxsie told us that what she did could not be described as swimming”. John Cleese would have said that she had joined the “choir invisible” but The BFD had the video to prove otherwise.
‘Bloomers’ said the swim was a “moot point”. Siouxsie had told him, that even though ‘Banshee’ had gone into the water up to her neck and was doing breaststroke it could not be described as a swim.
“Siouxsie did admit to ‘Heathers’ on ZB that she and the ‘Banshee’ had been “Caught Out”.
“There are just too many people watching, we have learnt our lesson.” ‘Brawn’ at the Daily Dodge said there were ‘BIG SISTER IS WATCHING YOU’ posters up but obviously these went unheeded.
“Now for ‘Stalkin Seymour’. Does he think he is Harrison Ford from “Raiders of the Lost Ark” or is that “Raiders of the Lost Waka”?
“He discovered the Da Vinci code for entry to the Vaxx Pyramid and published it to the townsfolk, when it is only supposed to be for the elite Waka tribe. This resulted in a hail of poison-tipped arrows from all directions, but as ‘Stalkin Seymour’ is from the Nga Puhi tribe himself, some of them missed and consequently did his aspirations for Sheriff no harm.
“In fact, as ‘Hogan’s Hero’ on Nation sees it, ‘Stalkin Seymour’s’ followers on ‘Buckface’ are second only to mine. This could be because he is against the UN gang who want ‘Three Waters’ ‘He Puapua’, and ‘Council Usurpation’ of the elected townsfolk.
“Also according to Hogan, the ‘Gnats’ have overtaken ‘The Party’ for the first time on ‘Buckface’ visits. ‘The Bishop’ goes on there three times a week so this could have something to do with it.
“Recent Events have recalled this West Ham Utd chant called “Bubbles” to mind.
Bubbles Anyone?
I’m forever blowing bubbles,
Pretty bubbles in the air,
They fly so high,
Nearly reach the Sky,
Then like my dreams they fade and die,
Fortunes forever hiding,
I’ve looked everywhere.
I’m forever blowing bubbles,
Pretty bubbles in the AIR!”
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