Sheriff Ardern checked the Karangahake Saloon to make sure ‘Cowgirl Collins’ wasn’t around and said to the bar-person Trotsky, “I’ll have RED-EYE (whisky) Comrade.”

She confided to Trotsky. “First I lose Middle Earth, then it’s Middle New Zealand, now I’ve Lost the Plot.

“The Plot was for my Marshals to follow Ahamad Samsudeen around 24/7 to ensure he did no harm to the townsfolk, but he doggone did. He got hold of a knife in the General Store and stabbed quite a few of ‘em.  My Marshal had to get out his shooting iron and kill him real dead. So far no one has complained as he was a bad ‘un from over the border.

“We’re gonna mine gold nuggets from the local Talisman Mine on Mt Karangahake and employ a ‘Disinformation Officer’ who will only be answerable to me and my Marshals. I got the idea from George Orwell’s dystopian novel 1984. Winston Smith’s job at the Ministry of Truth was re-writing articles from The Times to fit in with Big Brother’s views.

“As I am ‘Big Sister’, BS for short, I thought I could imitate Big Brother and make sure only my views are broadcast. It is called ‘Propaganda’ and I have made reference to this term when I stand at the ‘Podium of Truth’ most days at 1pm.

“Some townsfolk like the ‘Freedom Union’ want to ‘Make Orwell Fiction Again’ but once I’ve got my Totalitarian teeth into something I don’t let go.

“‘Cowgirl Collins’ is tryin’ to run me out of town and become Sheriff herself, but she got a ‘dusting’ from ‘Trev and Franny at the Daily Dodge. Both quill-dippers thought she shouldn’t be shown’ her face at the ‘Saloon’ while the Delta Critters are around or someone might catch the virus ‘Democracy’. But ‘Stalkin Seymour’ and ‘Cowgirl Collins’ teamed up and rode roughshod over the rest of us. Both thought they would be ‘invisible’ if they stayed in Dodge and wanted the “limelight” to fall on them for a change, instead of it constantly highlighting me at the ‘Podium of Truth’.

“‘Peter Piper’ has been despatched by the ‘Big Guns’ and will no longer weave his ‘Magic’. The ‘Thought Police’ caught him out when he said, ‘No one owns the rain.’ He and his colleagues like Sean Plunket and John Banks before him have suffered a similar fate to Winston Smith’s colleague Syme who was just too intelligent. In Chapter 1 of the 1984 novel. Syme was vaporised overnight from his job in ‘Newspeak’ which was supposed to ensure only certain approved words were used in ‘broadcasts’. For instance, the word ‘Freedom’ was verboten. The theory was if a word for ‘Freedom’ did not exist, the concept would disappear as well. In New Zealand under these rules ‘The Freedom of Speech Union’ has already transgressed ‘Newspeak’  rules.

“There are some who don’t want ‘no thought control’ and Pink Floyd put it like this in their song ‘Another Brick in the Wall'”.

We don’t need no education,
We don’t need no thought control,
No dark sarcasm in the classroom,
Teacher leave those kids alone!
All in all it’s just another brick in the wall.

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Sheriff Ardern Has Lost the Plot


Never voted Labour, Greens, Act or Maori Party. Spent time overseas, mainly in the U.K. Come Judgement Day, want to say I did “something” rather than “nothing”. Love Trump. Love old movies.