Sheriff Ardern flew into the Karangahape Saloon, the doors banging behind her. She said to the bar person, “Trotsky, I’ll have a RED-EYE (whisky) Comrade.
“My 1 p.m. Daily Announcement from the Dear Leader has turned into the ‘Comedy Hour’.
“Chippie’s’ Comedic Routine was a convoluted piece about ‘opening and spreading’ And has the whole country grippin’ their sides in mirth. He said if the town was getting a little crowded over lock-in we could take the horse and buggy for a short spin where there were fewer folks.
“Even the usually staid ‘Bloomers’ was forced to raise one eyebrow and couldn’t suppress a smile.
“Previously at the 1 pm. Hootenanny I had summoned up a big smile and told the whole team of 5 million (those that bothered to watch) that I had some ‘Good News’.
“I think quite frankly they had some misgivings. I touted a figure of 72% of the over 40s as vaccinated. I think in the back of my mind it had something to do with Britain being 75% vaccinated. I thought I could shimmy this past Dumb and Dumber (N.Z. Public).
“Well, this put the ‘cat among the pigeons’. The first cowboy out of the stables was that Buckaroo Ry’n from the A.M. Ranch. He labelled it ‘Spin’. He thought calling it ‘good news’ was a ‘doozy’, and said the 72% figure was useless and not worth a ‘hill of beans’. Ry’n said this number constituted first shots and bookings and not the actual number truly vaccinated in that age group. It was like saying you had guests staying at the Karangahape Saloon when you only had bookings.
“What was he trying to say? That I was a ‘Liar Liar and my cowboy boots were on fire’?
“To back himself up, Trish was at the A.M. Ranch and said the Delta critters were around 8 months ago and ‘Chippie and I hadn’t done our homework on how to squash them’.
“I was pushed into opening parliament because ‘Stalk-in’ Seymour’ was holding his own at 7 p.m. in the evenings on Livestream. This made me look a tad bad with the pressing problems of Delta and our rushed pullout from Afghanistan. This is turning into a ‘Laurel and Hardy’ routine. ‘To be or not to be’, Parliament? Ry’n is askin’ the folks on A.M Ranch if parliament is an ‘essential service’. No doubt riling them up. A.M. stands for ‘Against Me’.
“In the now resumed parliament on Wednesday ‘Stalk-in Seymour’ put it to ‘Heny’ that it was a ‘Catch 22’ situation with Afghan interpreters and their families getting safely to New Zealand. He thought Covid 19 restrictions would keep them out anyway. ‘Heny’ thought this was the responsibility of ‘Farfetched ‘ and he couldn’t possibly comment.
“‘Cactus Collins’ thought The Afghanistan outcome was a stain on New Zealand as our friends there were applying for visas as late as July and being turned down. ‘Kiwiblog’ agreed.
“Our bribe to the Taliban is not working, they want lists of all unmarried girls over 15 years of age and widows under the age of 45. Two young educated sisters on the ‘Sunday’ program said they would rather suicide than be sex-slaves of the Taliban.
“Talkin’ about bribes. Is it not working with the Media? Some of those Lefties seem to be going Right. Am I right or am I wrong? ‘Trev’ from the ‘Daily Dodge’ said we had ‘knocked the bastard off’ (Covid), which is how I won the last election but thought ‘Cactus Collins’ could have a chance in 2023 now that the bastard (Covid) was back. ‘Franny’ thinks I am ‘massaging the message’.
“My bastion of back-up ‘Stuff’ thinks I’m getting into ‘trickery’ with Covid figures. Some think the ‘Worm’ (Media) has turned’.
The Media need to answer the question in “Build me up Buttercup” by the group, The ‘Foundations’.”
Why do you Build me up buttercup baby,
Just to let me down and mess me around.
But I love you still, I need you more than ever darlin’
You know that I have right from the start.
Build me up Buttercup, don’t break my heart,
I can’t take anymore You let me down again
Why do you build me Up Buttercup?
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