Hat tip

New Zealand Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern has added NZ dairy cows to the list of world recognised terrorist groups. “This is literally a life or death situation”, she said while wearing a frowny face and frantically waving her arms about.

“Cow flatulence is a level 10 threat to the environment and a leading cause of cow-made climate change so I have deployed NZ soldiers to tackle the bovine threat with extreme prejudice.

Image credit The BFD. NZ Soldiers have been deployed to eliminate the bovine threat with extreme prejudice.

“We are taking their threat to the environment very seriously. Special forces are currently deployed to take them out along with any farmers who stand in their way.”

Due to budget cuts, NZ’s light infantry are making their way towards the Waikato on their newly-issued electric bicycles but progress has been delayed due to a shortage of charging stations en-route.

Reinforcements driving trucks carrying diesel generators have been dispatched to ensure that the infantry arrive within the next couple of weeks.

Farmers across the Waikato are taking advantage of the soldiers’ delayed arrival to fill sandbags and to disguise their favourite cows as sheep.

“Moo”, said one dangerous cow near Te Kuiti, unaware that her evil plot to attack the world with burps and farts was about to come to an end. “Moooooo!”


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NZ Military Mission: Eliminate Flatulent Cows
Juana Atkins

Juana Atkins

Editor of The BFD: Juana doesn't want readers to agree with her opinions or the opinions of her team of writers. Her goal and theirs is to challenge readers to question the status quo, look between the...