Some time ago I wrote an article for the BFD headlined “Jacinda Ardern Walks on Water”. Little did I know at the time that not only does she evidently walk on water, she also has a direct line to the deity.
What is it with her and the Deus? Every time she’s up to her ears in “it”, along comes some major crisis that buries us in “it” and she comes out sparkling clean and looking like the second coming.
Firstly came the Australian terrorist with the gun and that gave her the best part of a year of posturing with a hijab, which got her front-page coverage all across the world, causing us to overlook the fact that promises were being broken all over the place.
As part of that, she announced the announcement of a major attack on legal gun owners (which all but the dimmest among us saw for what it was and still is – a disastrous, ineffective load of PR sop to the moronic masses while the crims just kept their guns and will put them to use as and when they please).
She then managed to get a whole heap of international PR and more worldwide front-page coverage from getting together with the ever-so-wet French president, Emmanuel Jean-Michel Frederic Macron (whose surname is more useful in the Maori language than anywhere else).
Meanwhile, the houses are still not being built and neither (thankfully) is the tram line to the airport (thank God for small blessings). But again, as the publicity starts turning bad, and just as she needs to cancel the publicity of the one year anniversary of the Christchurch disaster, along comes a Chinese assistant in the form of Covid-19 to the rescue.
Her daily saintly live TV exposures wore thin with some of us very quickly but, hey, – look how well it worked for the masses. Day after day after day until the Covid election handed her a resounding success and got rid of her handbrake too. It’s disappointing that the TV people couldn’t embed a permanent halo over her head for those appearances; after all, she did pay for the “added touches” if you think about it.
Then six months or so after the election, they delivered us a budget of exceptional inadequacy with absolutely no reward for the workers while at the same time announcing future announcements of free speech restrictions, compulsory unionism and increased benefits for those who choose not to work. Then, lo and behold! – a quick call on the hotline and South Canterbury gets flooding of epidemic proportions that makes the Noah’s Ark flood look tame and there she is all over the media again and the minds of the masses meander off into how wonderful she is at crisis management.
Go on – go ahead – Convince me that she doesn’t have a hotline to somewhere.